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Sexual Intelligence® Blog: Latest Posts

Mr. Trump: Here’s What You Need to Know About Sex

We know that President Trump has an interesting relationship to facts. When it comes to sex he’s not alone. People believe the darnedest things about sexuality, as if it’s a relief to “know” that sex is bad for you, dangerous to others, and so powerful that we’re all just one step away from civilization collapsing under the urgency and blind selfishness of desire. But there are things that are known—not just felt, not preferred, not imagined or opined on. They are things about sex that are known. They’re measurable. They’re called facts. Here are some facts, Mr. Trump, of which…

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Holiday Gifts To My Patients

Everyone needs a gift to support their healthy sexuality. Here are some for you.

As a Sex Therapist and Marriage Counselor, I go through the holiday seasons of twenty or twenty-five patients every year. And whether they’re celebrating Christmas, Chanukah, or some other winter festival, everyone’s frantic about the presents they’re giving or getting. This year is no exception.

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Vanilla Sex—Our Best Friend

Vanilla sex—or “just” vanilla sex?

“Vanilla sex” is slang for sex that is plain, or traditional, or unimaginative–not “kinky.” It generally doesn’t involve role-playing, games like BDSM, risk-taking like exhibitionism, or unusual locations. Most people don’t use “vanilla sex” as a neutral term; the implied term is frequently “just vanilla sex.”

I beg to differ.

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Halloween: Holiday for Fear of Sex Offenders

As I write this, the sun has just set and young kids have started cruising up and down my street. Costumed, faces painted, they have one thing on their minds—sugar. Whether patient or impatient, their parents have varied thoughts—dealing with the sugar highs they’ll encounter at tonight’s bedtime; gratitude for another mild California evening; the pleasure of watching their kids have fun; the self-criticism when they compare their own neglected front yard to their neighbor’s new landscaping. According to the media, politicians, law enforcement, and anti-sex activists, however, what parents are supposed to be thinking about is predators. Scarier than…

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What College Kids Want to Know About Porn

Last night I spoke to about 300 students at Ohlone College in Northern California. The topic was Pornography 2016: PornPanic, Public Health, & Porn Literacy. It went just fine, and as always, I was eager to hear people’s questions. Here are some that everyone seemed interested in, along with a short version of my answers. “There’s certain stuff my boyfriend sees in porn that he wants to try. I don’t really want to do it, but he says everyone does. What should I do?” To start with, the question isn’t what should I do; it’s what should we (you and…

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