Sex Therapy, Psychotherapy, Couples Counseling
“Marty Klein’s analysis is invaluable. If you aren’t already reading him, you should be.” -Dan Savage
“Some of the most open, common-sense advice you’re going to find…and Klein is funny to boot.” –USA Today
Lectures, Keynotes & Training Seminars
Every week, I deal with men terribly anxious about losing or strengthening their “manliness.” A lot of women are concerned about their mate’s “manliness,” too. They all measure it by referring to an erection—a small bit of flesh which comes and goes as it pleases. I think it’s rather pointless for people to be measuring their own or others’ manliness–especially if measure it by something that’s outside the man’s control.
Extramarital affairs? Men and women marry, so men and women cheat. Sometimes it’s once, with no emotional attachment. Sometimes it’s years with a beloved in the next town—virtually a second husband or wife.
And sometimes the whole thing blows up. When it does, some Cheaters actually makes things worse.
I recently spoke in Vancouver, Canada, at one of the city’s most progressive hospitals. Afterwards, several medical staff came up to thank me.
One doc said, “I’m uncomfortable with so many women shaving or waxing their pubic mounds. It just looks to me like women responding to cultural pressure—mostly men and porn—to look like little girls.” I disagreed, and asked…
In 2018, sex is the only thing left that people do without ear buds or a screen.
This makes sex one of the last havens of actual human-human contact. Paradoxically, sex can be revolutionary precisely because it can be a place without politics. The Church hates sex because it’s where humans can experience actual autonomy.
When they came to me they were getting “sex addiction” treatment. As the spouse of an “addict,” she was in S-Anon, endlessly talking about her trauma and her “co-dependence.” He was going to Sexaholics Anonymous meetings and reading about the 12 Steps.
She wanted me treat his “sex addiction,” and he was willing to do almost anything to end their nightmare of mistrust and chronic conflict.
But in the very first session, I told them that I don’t use the category of “sex addiction.”
According to the new No-Fap movement, there’s an “epidemic” of “urges” to “fap”—to masturbate. To stem this destructive rampage of addiction and self-harm, there are programs all over the web designed to help men stop masturbating.
Guys who take up the No-Fap Challenge for 30, 60, or 90 days sometimes even excludes partner sex for as much as a year. These guys, usually still in their ‘20s, say they’re looking for freedom, self-discipline, and higher self-esteem.
Great goals. Bizarre (and rarely successful) strategy.