Making Sex Better

Vanilla Sex—Our Best Friend

Vanilla sex—or “just” vanilla sex?

“Vanilla sex” is slang for sex that is plain, or traditional, or unimaginative–not “kinky.” It generally doesn’t involve role-playing, games like BDSM, risk-taking like exhibitionism, or unusual locations. Most people don’t use “vanilla sex” as a neutral term; the implied term is frequently “just vanilla sex.”

I beg to differ.

Continue Reading
0 Comments

“Foreplay”—It just Makes Us Nervous About Sex

I continue to be baffled by the relationship many people have to “foreplay.” I’ve been putting the word in quotation marks for decades (driving print magazine editors crazy as far back as the 1980s), because it describes a state of mind I don’t want to endorse. First, it supposes that intercourse is “real sex,” and […]

Continue Reading
0 Comments

Sex, Secrets, & Shame

As an everyday therapist, shame isn’t some abstract idea—it’s quite real to me. It’s why people keep secrets. It’s why they do exactly the opposite of what they want to—to prove that they don’t want it. It’s a big reason people behave self-destructively—unable to talk about their impulses, their feelings, or their curiosity, they act them out, despite the consequences. (Note: When the behavior involves sex, this may be mistaken as “addiction.” Nonsense.) There is no part of being human about which Americans feel more shame than sex. Predictably, that leads to sexual secrets, sexual violence, sexual acting out, and…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

National Men’s Health Week

National Men’s Health Week is June 13-19, 2016. Guys, here are 6 tips for better sexual health. Ladies, feel free to listen in. * Don’t have sex drunk While drinking, your judgment is compromised, your sensitivity to others is reduced, and your penis slows WAY down. As Shakespeare tells MacDuff in Macbeth, “drinking stimulates desire […]

Continue Reading
0 Comments