Every week I ask patients lots and lots of questions. Sometimes I get a straight answer. Often, someone will dance around an issue, or avoid the question by answering a different one.
When patients ask me a question, though, I either give them a direct answer–or I challenge the question itself.
Here are examples of questions that I generally don’t answer directly–because I’m challenging the assumptions…
It’s National Orgasm Day! Here are some fun facts about orgasm, including the first modern description of female climax; vaginal vs clitoral orgasms; “squirting” (and its cousins); why men get “blue balls” and women get “blue lips”; and who fakes orgasms.
Many couples who ask me if they’re incompatible ARE. But they don’t want to hear it, certainly not that directly.
These people often love each other, and think that “love” is enough to make a relationship work. But it isn’t. Shared values are crucial, and many loving couples lack these.
Sexual discrepancies–desire, frequency, variety, etc.–are among the hardest to navigate. Therapy may be of only limited help in such a situation.
It’s Mental Health Awareness month.
Each year it focusses on connection, self-care, mindfulness, therapy, self-reflection, and sleep—all good things. Ironically, sponsor Mental Health America recommends using social media to spread the word about the importance of mental health—sort of like encouraging people to drive drunk to AA meetings.
While self-care, community, and other things are vital to emotional stability, let’s also remind ourselves of common ways we undermine our own mental health. There are obvious ways—misusing alcohol, participating in violence, dangerous sex, isolating from loved ones, gambling more than we can afford. Here’s some free advice: don’t do that stuff.
More subtly, there are everyday words and ideas we use that lead us away from mental health. Unfortunately, many of them come from the therapy industry. Let’s look at some.
Every week or two, a new patient complains that their partner rarely initiates sex. The new patient expects me to figure out why—and more importantly, how to get their partner to change and initiate more.
People who rarely initiate sex fall into one of three categories, which we’ll discuss below.
But let’s also look at the inverse: why do some people get so distressed when their partner doesn’t initiate?
Faced with a problem or decision, many Americans turn to AI for advice. Since AI accesses the world’s printed & posted knowledge, why wouldn’t you ask it for advice? And if you do, why bother with therapy?
The answer lies in (1) the mission of AI; (2) the contrasting mission of therapy, and (3) the nature of empathy.