Sex Therapist’s Couch

How People Make Sex Too Complicated—and Harder to Enjoy

Every week, people tell me exactly how they make sex way too complicated, and therefore difficult or impossible to enjoy. They don’t realize they’re saying that, of course. I wish I could just say “Stop making sex more complicated than necessary!” But I’m afraid effective therapy isn’t quite that simple. Here are some examples of how people undermine their own sexual satisfaction. “We have sex before I’m ready” In this scenario “sex” almost invariably means “intercourse.” When a woman in couples therapy says this, she generally expects me to turn to her male partner and say “You selfish bastard! Stop…

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“Is that infidelity?” Why that’s the wrong question

As a therapist, I deal with couples in conflict every week. Frequently, two partners want different things: another child versus a vasectomy; saving versus spending; how much sex to have.

Of course, there’s no “right” answer to questions like these—just two people with different values that may or may not be reconcilable. But couples also ask me to arbitrate questions that…

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