Sexual Health

My Crippling Loss of Confidence—and Our Fragile Sexuality

For sixteen years and 1,000 posts, everything I’ve written in Sexual Intelligence has been about sex. This piece is, too. To get there, though, you’ll need to be a bit patient. C’mon in. I’m writing this on my way home from a week in Ireland. After a couple of days of teaching, I drove myself around the country for five eventful days. For history buffs (I am) or beer drinkers (I’m not) Ireland is a great place to visit, but the country has a serious, well-known drawback—horrible roads. They’re extremely narrow, poorly marked, and completely unlit. Americans would call many…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

National Men’s Health Week

National Men’s Health Week is June 13-19, 2016. Guys, here are 6 tips for better sexual health. Ladies, feel free to listen in. * Don’t have sex drunk While drinking, your judgment is compromised, your sensitivity to others is reduced, and your penis slows WAY down. As Shakespeare tells MacDuff in Macbeth, “drinking stimulates desire […]

Continue Reading
0 Comments

More Sexual Curiosity, Please

As a sex therapist for over 30 years, one of the most common goals people have come in with is “I want to be a better lover.” Of course, different people mean different things by that. These range from “I want my partner to enjoy sex more;” to “I want to compete more effectively with other would-be lovers (real or imagined);” to “I want to enjoy sex more.” Some of these people are highly experienced, while others are beginners. Most people who “want to be better lovers” are after some new technique, the latest sex toy, or a position they…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

“Pink Viagra”—Not Pink, And Not Viagra

And that’s why it doesn’t exist. But let’s back up a few steps. On March 27, 1998 the FDA approved Viagra as the first oral treatment for erection problems. It went on sale later that year, and was soon followed by Cialis and Levitra, variants of the same drug. All three are now currently in use. As my essay in Playboy back then predicted, the drug was hugely successful, misunderstood and misused, and expected to perform miracles. It hasn’t. It doesn’t make angry men sweet, doesn’t make clumsy men graceful, doesn’t make weak backs strong, and doesn’t make drunk men…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

What’s “Natural” About Sex?

The New York Times Magazine has a great opinion piece this week about how “natural” doesn’t have a specific legal meaning. We now live in a world in which “natural Cheetos” and “100% all-natural chicken nuggets” are for sale. The anti-vaccination nuts deride medicines that are “unnatural,” forgetting that the goal of all medicine is to defeat nature. Anti-gay folks talk about “natural [i.e., heterosexual] marriage,” as if marriage isn’t an artificial institution like baseball—and, like baseball, is played differently in different places and subject to periodic rule changes (insert favorite rant about the Designated Hitter or former laws against…

Continue Reading
0 Comments