Sexual Intelligence Blog

Have Orgasms, Don’t Have Orgasms—Just Don’t COUNT Orgasms

Some of my patients count orgasms. Sometimes they count their own, but more often, they count their partners’. Both men and women do this. “When my wife doesn’t climax, I feel I haven’t done my job,” says Max. “When a boyfriend doesn’t orgasm, I figure it’s because I don’t turn him on enough,” says Maria. “I want to totally satisfy my husband every time, says Claire. “I don’t want LaShonda to think I’m selfish, or that I don’t care,” says Marcus, “so I try to make her cum no matter how long it takes.” Listening to people say such things,…

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What Porn Leaves Out

People rarely discuss what porn leaves out.

Today’s internet porn is a visual medium (as compared with, say, the ancient Greek poems of Sappho or the 18th-century novels of the Marquis de Sade). That means it leaves out anything that isn’t visually compelling. And as it happens, a lot of what makes sex satisfying in real life is boring to watch on film.

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