Sexual Intelligence Blog

Erections, Car Wrecks, and “Manliness”

Every week, I deal with men terribly anxious about losing or strengthening their “manliness.” A lot of women are concerned about their mate’s “manliness,” too. They all measure it by referring to an erection—a small bit of flesh which comes and goes as it pleases. I think it’s rather pointless for people to be measuring their own or others’ manliness–especially if measure it by something that’s outside the man’s control.

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Shaving, Waxing, or Bushy—Letting Women be Women

I recently spoke in Vancouver, Canada, at one of the city’s most progressive hospitals. Afterwards, several medical staff came up to thank me.

One doc said, “I’m uncomfortable with so many women shaving or waxing their pubic mounds. It just looks to me like women responding to cultural pressure—mostly men and porn—to look like little girls.” I disagreed, and asked…

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Another Guy Who Isn’t A “Sex Addict”

When they came to me they were getting “sex addiction” treatment. As the spouse of an “addict,” she was in S-Anon, endlessly talking about her trauma and her “co-dependence.” He was going to Sexaholics Anonymous meetings and reading about the 12 Steps.

She wanted me treat his “sex addiction,” and he was willing to do almost anything to end their nightmare of mistrust and chronic conflict.

But in the very first session, I told them that I don’t use the category of “sex addiction.”

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Masturbation Madness—Can It Kill You?

According to the new No-Fap movement, there’s an “epidemic” of “urges” to “fap”—to masturbate. To stem this destructive rampage of addiction and self-harm, there are programs all over the web designed to help men stop masturbating.

Guys who take up the No-Fap Challenge for 30, 60, or 90 days sometimes even excludes partner sex for as much as a year. These guys, usually still in their ‘20s, say they’re looking for freedom, self-discipline, and higher self-esteem.

Great goals. Bizarre (and rarely successful) strategy.

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