Problems/Situations

Lack of desire

Q: I’m 26 and I don’t have ANY sexual desire. If I try really hard I can get aroused for a few minutes but not long enough for intercourse. My boyfriend of 3 years is very patient. I finally had the courage to ask my gynecologist what’s wrong with me and she said that since I have regular periods it couldn’t be a hormonal problem. She suggested a psychiatrist. Is she right or should I look for a second opinion?

Dr. Klein: The first questions about desire are always, “Do you care enough for this person to be sexual with him? Do you believe this person will be gentle, friendly, and caring? Do you feel confident you will be able to prevent pregnancy? Do you feel comfortable enough with this person to take off your clothes? Are you comfortable with the principle of having sex before marriage?”

If the answers are “no,” that will account for your lack of desire. If the answers are “yes,” ask your physician for a complete physical, as having regular periods isn’t enough information. If you’re in a good relationship, and a physician says you’re healthy, and you’re not depressed, then assume this is an emotional problem. Speak with a sex therapist, psychologist, or counselor at Planned Parenthood. It may take some time, but if you’re healthy, you should be able to feel desire after working with a capable professional.