Sexual Intelligence® Blog: Latest Posts

Pam Anderson & Shmuley Boteach: “Porn is For Losers”

Shmuley Boteach and Pamela Anderson have co-authored an article about pornography in the Wall Street Journal. It starts by decrying the “devastation of porn addiction” and ends by saying that “porn is for losers.” Boteach is a Rabbi who has spent years telling people that sex should be restricted to committed, loving relationships. He says […]

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My Crippling Loss of Confidence—and Our Fragile Sexuality

For sixteen years and 1,000 posts, everything I’ve written in Sexual Intelligence has been about sex. This piece is, too. To get there, though, you’ll need to be a bit patient. C’mon in. I’m writing this on my way home from a week in Ireland. After a couple of days of teaching, I drove myself around the country for five eventful days. For history buffs (I am) or beer drinkers (I’m not) Ireland is a great place to visit, but the country has a serious, well-known drawback—horrible roads. They’re extremely narrow, poorly marked, and completely unlit. Americans would call many…

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More Religious Bullying—Around Sex, Of Course

The “First Amendment Defense Act”—who could quarrel with that? I do. Maybe you do, too. HR2802 prohibits the federal government from acting against anyone who “believes or acts in accordance with a religious belief” that gays shouldn’t marry or that sex belongs only in heterosexual marriage. Under this law, the feds couldn’t withhold tax exemptions, contracts, or loans from people or corporations defying federal laws prohibiting discrimination against GLBT people. The bill would protect a business denying time off for a gay employee to care for a sick spouse. It would protect a private school refusing a child just because…

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Sex, Secrets, & Shame

As an everyday therapist, shame isn’t some abstract idea—it’s quite real to me. It’s why people keep secrets. It’s why they do exactly the opposite of what they want to—to prove that they don’t want it. It’s a big reason people behave self-destructively—unable to talk about their impulses, their feelings, or their curiosity, they act them out, despite the consequences. (Note: When the behavior involves sex, this may be mistaken as “addiction.” Nonsense.) There is no part of being human about which Americans feel more shame than sex. Predictably, that leads to sexual secrets, sexual violence, sexual acting out, and…

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