Sexual Intelligence® Blog: Latest Posts

Salon.com Asks Me About Porn

This week I was interviewed by journalist Amanda Marcotte of Salon.com about pornography. You can see the 20-minute video here: https://goo.gl/QlD9O6. After a bit of small talk, we got down to it: What if you fantasize about sex with kangaroos? Should we bring back the psychiatric diagnosis of Possessed By The Devil? And is there such a thing as porn addiction? Ah, porn addiction. It really does matter what we call these things. We know it matters if someone is “diagnosed” as a “frigid bitch,” or a “women-hating queer,” or a “nympho.” So of course it matters if something is…

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“Foreplay”—It just Makes Us Nervous About Sex

I continue to be baffled by the relationship many people have to “foreplay.” I’ve been putting the word in quotation marks for decades (driving print magazine editors crazy as far back as the 1980s), because it describes a state of mind I don’t want to endorse. First, it supposes that intercourse is “real sex,” and […]

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Pam Anderson & Shmuley Boteach: “Porn is For Losers”

Shmuley Boteach and Pamela Anderson have co-authored an article about pornography in the Wall Street Journal. It starts by decrying the “devastation of porn addiction” and ends by saying that “porn is for losers.” Boteach is a Rabbi who has spent years telling people that sex should be restricted to committed, loving relationships. He says […]

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My Crippling Loss of Confidence—and Our Fragile Sexuality

For sixteen years and 1,000 posts, everything I’ve written in Sexual Intelligence has been about sex. This piece is, too. To get there, though, you’ll need to be a bit patient. C’mon in. I’m writing this on my way home from a week in Ireland. After a couple of days of teaching, I drove myself around the country for five eventful days. For history buffs (I am) or beer drinkers (I’m not) Ireland is a great place to visit, but the country has a serious, well-known drawback—horrible roads. They’re extremely narrow, poorly marked, and completely unlit. Americans would call many…

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