In Bed

Threesomes

Q: My fiancé and I want to have sex with another person. I want it to be a male friend but HE thinks it should be female and I just can’t even imagine having sex with someone of the same gender. But we both really want to do this. How should we decide?

Dr. Klein: What exactly is it that you both want? Common reasons for threesomes include unpredictability, breaking taboos, homoerotic experimentation, playing out “scenes,” and having sex with particular individuals. Perhaps when you honestly discuss your reasons for wanting to do this the situation will become clearer.

One way to experiment with both kinds of threesomes is to do it via fantasy: via phone sex, the Internet, or talking about it during sex as if it were really happening. By getting a better idea of what a threesome might be like, you may get clearer on what you do and don’t want.

My only advice is to keep talking with each other about your excitement and concerns, to be honest about any pressure you’re feeling, and to do only what you want to do.