Making Sex Better

Saying “No” Does NOT Equal “Low Desire”

One of the most common problems people come to see me about?

“I have low desire.”
“He has low desire.”
“She has low desire.”

In response, I ask lots of questions. We talk. And at least half the time, I surprise people: “I don’t think this is a desire issue.”

Saying no to something when you don’t expect to enjoy it isn’t a “problem,” it’s common sense.

Continue Reading

Valentine’s Day: Not-So-Crazy Ideas for Better Sex

It’s Valentine’s Day, and so many people are thinking about sex.

Most people won’t do it tonight (there’s no day of the year when “most people” have sex), but in case you do, here are some tips you probably won’t read elsewhere. In fact, they’ll contradict some of the most popular advice.

BTW, no equipment or weight loss is needed for any of these.

Continue Reading

A Look Back at 2023

2023 was a full year for Sexual Intelligence.

My newsletter now goes to almost 8,000 people every month. That’s in addition to my Sexual Intelligence blog for Psychology Today, which gets 1,100 hits per DAY.

This year I covered my usual topics: making sex more enjoyable; examining America’s War on Sex; explaining & critiquing sex therapy and couples therapy; and sex in the news, including both dark and light-hearted…

Continue Reading

Let’s Talk Vaginas

They each had a Ph.D, had been married for three years, and obviously trusted and loved each other. And neither one knew a vagina from, well, a hole in the ground.

Their parents were pressuring them to have children as soon as possible, but it “just wasn’t happening,” so they figured they’d have to go through artificial fertility treatments.

Su’s gynecologist suggested they see me before they did, “just in case” I could say something helpful.

Continue Reading