Patients tell me they want sex to be “natural and spontaneous.” They want it to be easy and enjoyable, a source of pleasure, comfort, and connection.
And yet year after year, these same perfectly nice people construct sex so that it’s complicated, frustrating, and anxiety-provoking–because of their ideas about sex.
Yesterday I started a five-campus lecture tour. Co-sponsored by the Secular Student Association and funded by the website SexEd.Net and its owner Steve Markoff, I started in Utah State University. I’ll end at M.I.T. in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
Better erections, more (or some) orgasms, wetter vaginas; less shame, guilt, anxiety, or embarrassment.
These are some of the things you may want in 2020. Here are some ways to get closer to them.
He’s 20. He’s had sex with two different women so far: “It was OK,” he says, “But I didn’t feel confident, I wasn’t sure if they had an orgasm or if I’m doing everything right.”
He wants some advice right away—“Some coaching from someone who knows all about women and sex,” he says. Instead of…
I guess every generation needs to learn this themselves: that sex at 40, 50, and beyond is not the same as sex when we’re 18 or 21 or 27.
When a grownup learns this, certain sexual “problems” disappear.
Vanilla sex is what most people do. That doesn’t mean it’s “normal,” just that it’s really common. Some people love it, while others find it unsatisfying. Either way, it’s still what most people do.