Changing the Way People, Politics & the Media Look at Sex

Making Sex Better

Growing Beyond Being Sexually “Normal”

by on ·Making Sex Better, Sexual Intelligence Blog

Last week I gave a workshop to 120 psychologists in Portland, entitled “When Sex Gets Complicated: Porn, Affairs, Kink, & Other Clinical Challenges.” I talked about the kinds of activities patients—people—do, such as S/M, going to strip clubs, and role-playing in private or public. Yes, and porn, always gotta talk about porn. One of the changes in American sexuality since I started teaching 20 years ago is that today, everybody asks about porn. The attendees listened intently, laughed at my jokes, bought my books, and took away plenty of ideas to use at work on Monday. Despite discussing various offbeat…

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Is “Cum” Vulgar? (Is Lenny Bruce Still Dead?)

by on ·Making Sex Better, Sexual Intelligence Blog

Few legal specialties are as boring as trademark law—unless, of course, someone wants to trademark a sexually-oriented device, phrase, or logo. The U.S. trademark office is supposed to be a dull bureaucracy that simply protects Americans’ intellectual property, thereby encouraging innovation. First you invent a clever logo or slogan. You register it with the government, spending way too much on a lawyer whose overworked paralegal fills out a bunch of forms. Then you promote it, the public loves it, and you make money and get laid. Since you registered it nobody can copy it, so you can continue reaping the…

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Sexual Interest in Men Does NOT Make Larry Craig Gay

by on ·Making Sex Better, Sexual Intelligence Blog

Larry Craig says he’s not gay. I believe him. A lot of men who have sex with men aren’t gay. Life was simple before 1948: someone was either 100% heterosexual or they were queer (note to young people: that’s what gays were called in the old days). But then biologist Alfred Kinsey studied Americans’ sexuality in detail, and as he discovered, “people are not so easily divided into sheeps and goats.” Kinsey determined that almost half of American men had both heterosexual and same-gender experiences as adults. Like heterosexual women, men also had same-gender sexual fantasies, preferences, and desires. And…

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Obituary: Stan Dale, Sexual Pioneer

by on ·Making Sex Better, Sexual Intelligence Blog

Stan Dale, founder of the Human Awareness Institute and leader of hundreds of sexuality/intimacy workshops, died last week at age 78. I didn’t take to Stan when we first met 17 years ago. He was just too damned happy. And way too loving, considering we barely knew each other. But he was relentless. He had decided we were going to be friends, not just colleagues. Eventually, he melted my heart. That was the first thing I learned about Stan: the guy was dangerous. And fierce. Stan sometimes said we were like two sides of a coin—me, educating people out there…

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“Daddy, What’s That?”

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“Daddy, what’s that?” “It’s a vending machine. You put in a dollar and buy something.” “Like a soda machine? Does it sell soda? I want a soda.” “Yes, like a soda machine. No, it doesn’t sell soda.” “What does it sell?” “Stuff for adults.” “Like what?” “Condoms.” “What’s that?” “Condoms are what people use when they have sex, and they don’t want to create a baby, and it also helps keep them healthy.” “So why are they here in the bathroom at the airport?” “They have these machines in all the bathrooms of the Vancouver airport.” “But people don’t have…

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Your Conditions for Enjoyable Sex

by on ·Making Sex Better, Sexual Intelligence Blog

In his classic 1978 book “Male Sexuality” (now available as “The New Male Sexuality”), Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld discussed the concept of conditions for good sex. He said that everyone has conditions, or requirements, for enjoying sex. I believe conditions can be divided into three categories: those about ourselves, about the environment, and about our partner.

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