He’s 20. He’s had sex with two different women so far: “It was OK,” he says, “But I didn’t feel confident, I wasn’t sure if they had an orgasm or if I’m doing everything right.”
He wants some advice right away—“Some coaching from someone who knows all about women and sex,” he says. Instead of…
I guess every generation needs to learn this themselves: that sex at 40, 50, and beyond is not the same as sex when we’re 18 or 21 or 27.
When a grownup learns this, certain sexual “problems” disappear.
Vanilla sex is what most people do. That doesn’t mean it’s “normal,” just that it’s really common. Some people love it, while others find it unsatisfying. Either way, it’s still what most people do.
A very few business skills are helpful in sex: communication, curiosity, and creativity.
Most business skills, however, undermine sexual pleasure & intimacy. Being present is far more important in sex than technique or facts or goal-orientation.
I’ve been a licensed marriage & family therapist and sex therapist since 1980. Since then I’ve been asked a jillion questions about sex—and in all that time the questions haven’t changed.
These are the questions of both men and women, old and young, of all orientations and levels of experience. Whether someone is kinky, vanilla, or in-between, here are the most common questions people ask about sex.
Why do we find sex uninspiring? Maybe we expect it to compete with the endless excitement of the internet.