Last week I gave a weekend retreat for a dozen couples in Chicago. They wanted bedroom tricks; instead, I focused on self-acceptance, relaxation, being present, and communication. Why is this more important?
What challenges will couples face in 2018 regarding sex, love, and intimacy? Dealing with infidelity, pornography, desire issues, and conflict management. What do these have in common?
To improve sex, people use Viagra, hormones, street drugs, and supplements. But the largest-selling sex drug by far is alcohol. That’s true for all ages, genders, and income levels.
Some of my patients count orgasms. Sometimes they count their own, but more often, they count their partners’. Both men and women do this. “When my wife doesn’t climax, I feel I haven’t done my job,” says Max. “When a boyfriend doesn’t orgasm, I figure it’s because I don’t turn him on enough,” says Maria. “I want to totally satisfy my husband every time, says Claire. “I don’t want LaShonda to think I’m selfish, or that I don’t care,” says Marcus, “so I try to make her cum no matter how long it takes.” Listening to people say such things,…
As I’ve said before, I think people expect too much from erection drugs. If you’re chronically angry with your wife, you’ll still be angry after you take Viagra—and almost certainly won’t get an erection.
However, when men say they plan to start using Viagra, I encourage them to test-drive it alone first. That is…
Vanilla sex—or “just” vanilla sex?
“Vanilla sex” is slang for sex that is plain, or traditional, or unimaginative–not “kinky.” It generally doesn’t involve role-playing, games like BDSM, risk-taking like exhibitionism, or unusual locations. Most people don’t use “vanilla sex” as a neutral term; the implied term is frequently “just vanilla sex.”
I beg to differ.