Pornography & Porn Addiction

What Women Tell Me They Hate About Porn

It’s fascinating what people blame on porn–such as a husband behaving like a selfish jerk.

You might as well blame food for obesity, or cars for dangerous driving, or kids for bad parenting. Of course, obesity involves food, dangerous driving involves cars, and bad parenting involves kids. But if you want to understand problematic behavior, you have to look past the surface.

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What is NOT a porn problem?

Whenever I write or lecture about pornography, some wives and girlfriends eagerly respond with stories that supposedly prove how damaging pornography is. Examples include:~ He tells me I should look or act more like a porn star ~ He leaves porn around the house where the kids can find it ~ He insists on sexual activities with me that I don’t want ~ He won’t have sex with me anymore ~ He watches porn and then hits me ~ He’ll only have sex with me if we look at porn together ~ He ignores me if he doesn’t get enough…

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Shaving, Waxing, or Bushy—Letting Women be Women

I recently spoke in Vancouver, Canada, at one of the city’s most progressive hospitals. Afterwards, several medical staff came up to thank me.

One doc said, “I’m uncomfortable with so many women shaving or waxing their pubic mounds. It just looks to me like women responding to cultural pressure—mostly men and porn—to look like little girls.” I disagreed, and asked…

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Masturbation Madness—Can It Kill You?

According to the new No-Fap movement, there’s an “epidemic” of “urges” to “fap”—to masturbate. To stem this destructive rampage of addiction and self-harm, there are programs all over the web designed to help men stop masturbating.

Guys who take up the No-Fap Challenge for 30, 60, or 90 days sometimes even excludes partner sex for as much as a year. These guys, usually still in their ‘20s, say they’re looking for freedom, self-discipline, and higher self-esteem.

Great goals. Bizarre (and rarely successful) strategy.

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Pornography: What We Can All Agree On

There’s a lot of passionate talk about pornography these days. The loudest voices involve a lot of false assumptions, a lot of fear and rage, a lot of predictions about porn’s destructive aspects. Some of us insist on looking at the science of it all—exactly how much (or how little) violence there is in porn, about porn’s effects from both the neuroscience and marital counseling side, about the nature of human sexual fantasy. We’re often shouted down. We’re often accused of being “pro-porn.” When I toured after my 2016 book (His Porn, Her Pain) was published, that was usually the…

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