Blaming porn for what’s wrong with our sex lives is easy. But when men behave like jerks in bed, there’s are always reasons. Talking about them–instead of blaming porn–is uncomfortable, but way more productive.
The “porn addiction” movement claims that one of pornography’s biggest problems is the way it disrespects women. But the movement itself is what’s really disrespectful to women–claiming they are hysterical creatures so overwhelmed by the porn issue that they can’t negotiate like adults.
“I caught him betraying me,” wailed the email from a stranger named Mary. “He’s been watching porn. Why? And how can I ever trust him again when he watches women do anything he wants?”
I get one or more emails like this every single week.
Talking with kids about porn is essential–and the sooner you think they’ll see it, the sooner you should talk with them about it.
People rarely discuss what porn leaves out.
Today’s internet porn is a visual medium (as compared with, say, the ancient Greek poems of Sappho or the 18th-century novels of the Marquis de Sade). That means it leaves out anything that isn’t visually compelling. And as it happens, a lot of what makes sex satisfying in real life is boring to watch on film.
Last night I spoke to about 300 students at Ohlone College in Northern California. The topic was Pornography 2016: PornPanic, Public Health, & Porn Literacy. It went just fine, and as always, I was eager to hear people’s questions. Here are some that everyone seemed interested in, along with a short version of my answers. “There’s certain stuff my boyfriend sees in porn that he wants to try. I don’t really want to do it, but he says everyone does. What should I do?” To start with, the question isn’t what should I do; it’s what should we (you and…