Pornography & Porn Addiction

Nine Absolutely Untrue Myths About Porn—And One Fact We Can All Agree On

Opinions about porn are like noses—everybody has one. But varying opinions are so contradictory, they can’t all be right. We actually do know a lot about contemporary porn’s use and effects, so let’s get some knowable facts out on the table. * Myth: Porn is mostly violent and misogynist. * Fact: Most porn shows happy, smiling people doing fairly ordinary things. A lot of porn shows happy, smiling (and perhaps sweaty) people doing exotic things. And some porn shows adults pretending to play dominance and submission games. Pretending? Yes. The actors and actresses are acting. * Myth: Watching porn causes…

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Your Husband Watches Porn—Now What?

Another woman leaves my office, broken-hearted that her husband looks at porn. Or enraged that her husband looks at porn. Or terrified, confused, or ashamed. I understand the anguish, I do. It’s all the more poignant because it’s so unnecessary. Although porn feels like the problem, focusing on that rarely brings domestic peace or more intimacy. It certainly doesn’t bring more or better sex. Here’s what various women say they feel in this situation: * “I hate that he keeps secrets. I feel left out.” * “I can’t compete with those damn women who perform in porn films. I’ll never…

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What Part of “Fantasy” Don’t They Understand?

The success of “50 Shades of Grey” and news about Pornhub’s most popular search terms has too many people buzzing about the alleged dangers of each. Both traditional conservatives and some self-identified feminists are condemning 50 Shades as encouraging violence against women. Clearly, these people know nothing about S/M, and not nearly enough about violence against women. Similarly, groups like xxxChurch and other anti-porn crusaders are dismayed that “teens” was the most popular porn search term last year, fearing this means we’re about to see a rash of adults trying to have sex with teens. The panic about both of…

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UK Censors Domestic Porn; No Pattern To What’s Banned

The United Kingdom just passed a law prohibiting domestic filmmakers from depicting certain acts in online pornography. It is an absolutely perfect example of how dangerous, how confusing, how pointless, and how downright stupid such a law can be. The law now lists thirteen things actors and actresses may not portray in domestically-made online porn […]

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Want to watch a lot of porn AND have good sex?

Say you watch a lot of porn. Say you want to have really enjoyable sex. Some people say you have to choose one or the other. Some say that porn changes your brain so you can’t enjoy sex with a real person. Nonsense. If you don’t want sex with a real person, it’s either because you don’t desire the person you’re with, or because you have issues about sex or closeness. That’s when watching porn is a lot easier than creating good sex. But let’s not blame the porn. Some say that porn gives you unrealistic ideas about sex. Yes,…

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Creating a Generation of Young Porn Criminals

I recently received the following inquiry: I just found out my 9-year-old daughter has been looking at hard-core adult porn (“Ramrod butt busters,” “Sweet on teacher,” etc.). She spent a weekend at my sister’s, who let her use her laptop. When my sister and I reviewed her internet history, it was obvious; then I looked at my daughter’s iPad, and was shocked all over again. I don’t want to shame my kid about sex, but I want her to be safe. The thought of her absorbing this stuff makes me sick. What should I do? Should 9-year-olds be looking at…

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