Sex & Culture

Memo to America: PLEASE Learn to Ignore Sex!

Americans have a hard time ignoring things. On the freeway, for example, any time there’s a car on the shoulder, everyone in front of me has to slow down and look. If there’s a tow-truck over there—wow, fascinating!—count on being an hour late for wherever you’re going. TVs in public are another thing Americans can’t seem to ignore, no matter what they’re showing. The hardest thing for Americans to ignore, however, is sex. And not just sex, but anything distantly or vaguely connected to sex. For people who don’t want to think about sex, but who can’t ignore things that…

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What I DON’T Want for the Holidays

Lots of people are busy making lists of what they want for the holidays. Let me tell you what I DON’T want for the holidays: * “Funny” movies about accidental pregnancy. Earlier this year it was Knocked Up. This weekend it will be Juno. I don’t care if these movies are funny, quirky, or well-made. Now that our government is officially pro-marriage and anti-contraception, anything that excuses or normalizes unplanned pregnancy is unforgivable escapism or a political crime. Being drunk is no excuse for “accidents”; we’re ALL drunk when it comes to sex. * Endless “male-female” advice columns. Do women…

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Lick A Dog’s Butt, Go To Jail

If you don’t already watch the Sarah Silverman Show, stop reading this and go to www.ComedyCentral.com to see when it’s on next, and watch whatever episode is playing. The half-hour show is very funny, very smart, and totally fearless. In its pursuit of tackling hypocrisy, idiocy, and plain human foibles, it holds back nothing. A recent episode, for example, had Sarah’s character (named Sarah) betting a black man that anti-Semitism was worse than racism. Another had Sarah joining this nice group of suburban women who wanted to stop murder—until she found out they were an anti-choice group who demanded she…

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Women Who Diss Women Who Wax

Some women get tattoos or nipple rings, or bleach their anuses or shave their pubic hair, for the wrong reasons—say, pressure from a boyfriend, or a belief that their bodies are ugly or non-feminine. Some reasons aren’t wrong, just inane—“I dunno, we were all drunk and Mary did it, so I figured what the hell.” But plenty of women do this stuff because they want to—it feels good, or they think it looks good, it makes them feel sexy, it’s a form of rebellion, their sex partner likes it, it makes wearing a thong easier, whatever. Unfortunately, a rising chorus…

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If I Say “Blowjob,” Will I See Dental Floss?

You’ve probably had the experience of going to Amazon.com and receiving suggestions about what you might enjoy next, given what you recently purchased. You like Frank Sinatra? Try Ella or Duke. You bought Season Three of American Idol? Here’s 10% off on a lobotomy. But now that’s so Old Thing. The Next New Thing is an internet phone service that will be completely free—in exchange for sending you ads while you talk. Special ads related to what you’re discussing on the phone at that very moment. As with Skype, consumers plug a headset and microphone into their computers, dial a…

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Memo to Southwest Air: Women’s Bodies Are OK

If you fly, of course you hate to fly. As if air travel isn’t repulsive enough these days, Southwest Airlines has found a new way to make passengers angry. Southwest tried to boot a shapely 23-year-old college student off a flight recently because one person complained about the way she was dressed. A customer “service” (there’s an oxymoron) supervisor named Keith told San Diego passenger Kyla Ebbert that her miniskirt, high-heel sandals, and sweater-over-tank top (over a bra) was “inappropriate” for a family airline. After berating the woman and telling her to go home, change, and catch a later flight,…

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