Sex Therapist’s Couch

Saying “No” Does NOT Equal “Low Desire”

One of the most common problems people come to see me about?

“I have low desire.”
“He has low desire.”
“She has low desire.”

In response, I ask lots of questions. We talk. And at least half the time, I surprise people: “I don’t think this is a desire issue.”

Saying no to something when you don’t expect to enjoy it isn’t a “problem,” it’s common sense.

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Shame—A Bigger Problem Than Your Penis, Vagina, Fantasies, or Desire

At our first session, when I ask “what would you like to accomplish in our therapy,” people will often mention their fantasies (too weird?), their desire (too low, too high), or their penis or vagina (which won’t do what they want when they want it).

Very few people say “I want to feel less shame.” Of course not—they’re too ashamed.

Sexual shame has many causes–and it’s usually not an individual’s fault. It takes many forms, which therapy can often reduce.

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Cheated On? Here’s The WORST 5 Things You Can Do

Every week, I counsel men and women heartbroken over infidelity.

And every week, I try to prevent those people from making big mistakes. If it’s already too late, I help people deal with the consequences of their big mistakes.

Frequently, nearly everyone in the Betrayed’s life is encouraging them to make big mistakes. That can even include their therapist. It most certainly includes the internet and social media.

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Porn Didn’t Destroy This Marriage—Her PornPhobia Could

What kind of a woman would destroy a perfectly good marriage (and great sex life) because her husband looks at porn?

There’s too, too many of them. One of those hubbies came to see me last week.

OK, he lied about watching. Not cool to lie.

But why would a grownup lie? The reason isn’t that complicated—he…

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Why Do Men Pay For Handjobs?

Totally by coincidence, two different guys called me for therapy this week with similar issues. One was regularly going to massage parlors for “happy endings,” and the other was paying young men he met on Grindr for quickies.

They each thought their behavior was wrong, and both felt ashamed. The first guy, Pedro, wanted to stop. The second guy, Chang, didn’t really want to stop, but thought he “should.”

Both guys are married. Both guys have high-paying, pressure-filled jobs. Both guys have trouble talking about sex. So they’ve each arranged to have sexual encounters without any talking.

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