I’m still in New Zealand, travelling from North Island to South Island by (gorgeous) ferry and (fabulous) train. And I’m pondering the four days of training I just provided the country’s sex therapists and marriage counselors. As is the case in every country I work in, everyone here wants to know more about desire. Why […]
Say there are 50 million weddings a year around the globe. I figure about 85% of those wedding couples contain at least one virgin. At least half of them have two virgins. I saw one of those couples today in therapy. Mr. A and Ms. B have been married twenty years; when they wed she […]
California just became the first state to ban conversion “therapy” for minors. That’s “therapy” which attempts to “cure” people of homosexuality, same-gender desire, or gender non-conformity, “converting” them to heterosexuality and “normal” gender behavior. My regular readers know that I have been a licensed psychotherapist for 32 years—about 35,000 sessions with men, women, teens, and […]
“…We know we need sex therapy, but there isn’t anyone in our country we can talk to,” read the email. “We’d like to speak with you by skype so you can help us fix our sex problems. Will you do this with us?” They live in a major city whose name you probably know. He’s […]
A couple I’d seen in sex therapy for a month quit last night. I can’t say I blame them. And I admit I was a bit relieved. They’re in their late forties, attractive and youngish. Here’s what I learned about them in four sessions: * She doesn’t like the way he touches her * He feels criticized by her every single day * She almost never has orgasms * He feels pressured to get erections quickly, and to make her climax from intercourse * She doesn’t believe he finds her attractive, although he insists he does * He feels he…
When it comes to sex, most self-help books offer more “self” than “help.” People keep buying them—when they stop, so will the publishers—and they keep feeling disappointed. Many readers wonder what’s wrong with them when they don’t achieve the greatest sex in the history of the world. When these books don’t deliver the ultimate sex, it’s generally not the reader’s fault. It’s because most self-help books are limited in what they can actually offer. And they leave out some very important facts that help shape our sexual experience. Let’s look at a few: * Desire: There are two good reasons…