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Sex Therapist’s Couch

My Next Seminars for Therapists: 1) Infidelity; 2) Intakes & First Sessions

by on ·Sex Therapist's Couch, Sexual Intelligence Blog

My next two seminars for therapists (and physicians, social workers, and other clinicians) will be May 1 and 2 at the beautiful Fairmont Hotel in San Jose, CA. Once again, I’m an invited speaker for the annual meeting of the California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists. The seminars are described below; click here for registration information. Affairs & Infidelity: Betrayal, Negotiation, Reconciliation, Self-Esteem This presentation examines how to help couples recover from infidelity–and common clinical ideas which can undermine that recovery. Participants will learn how to sort out individual and relationship issues as we address questions like: • Why…

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Who Can Discuss Sex Without Discussing Damage?

by on ·Sex Therapist's Couch, Sexual Intelligence Blog

Is there any point in talking about cars without mentioning car accidents? Certainly. Is there any value in discussing the Golden Gate Bridge or Niagara Falls without bringing up drowning or suicide? Of course there is. So why do so many people find it impossible to tolerate a serious conversation about sex that doesn’t include human trafficking, rape, kiddie porn, and child molestation? Why do such conversations have to be “corrected” with grim recitations of these problems—and why aren’t comments about these supposed “omissions” seen as off-topic? American marriage counselors and psychologists get notoriously brief training about human sexuality, typically…

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Seminar & Case Consult: Los Angeles

by on ·Sex Therapist's Couch, Sexual Intelligence Blog

Existential Issues In Sex Therapy & Couples Counseling Existential issues are internal conflicts arising from the ongoing, inescapable confrontation with the givens of human existence–isolation, powerlessness, responsibility, death, and the desire for meaning. Most people defend themselves from fully acknowledging such realities. Therapy needs to illuminate how these defenses shape the behavior and thinking that brings people into therapy. We can help patients understand that truths like the following—rather than their presenting problems—are the issues with which they are really grappling: * Loving involves pain and, ultimately, abandonment or separation * We are responsible for how we express our feelings–regardless…

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Seminar: Santa Clara, CA

by on ·Sex Therapist's Couch, Sexual Intelligence Blog

When Sex Gets Complicated: Porn, Affairs, Kink, & Other Clinical Challenges November 2, 2007 1:00pm-5:00pm The number of patients involved in pornography, non-monogamy, sadomasochism, and sex toys has dramatically increased. Are we prepared to provide them quality therapy? Every therapist deals with sexual issues—loss of desire, lack of orgasm, unreliable erections. And, of course, shame, anxiety, and confusion often accompany common sexual issues. But some sexual issues are more difficult than others. They challenge our clinical beliefs or personal values. Perhaps they highlight our lack of knowledge or vocabulary. As society becomes more psychologically sophisticated, the sexual problems people bring…

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Are you Sexually Normal — and Does That Matter?

by on ·Sex Therapist's Couch, Sexual Intelligence Blog

In my 20 years as a sex therapist, people continue to ask me one question more than any other. The most common sexual question is “Am I normal?”
Americans are concerned — virtually obsessed — with the normality of their sexual fantasies, preferences, responses, frequency, secrets, turn-offs, problems, and bodies. The fear of being sexually abnormal interferes with and even prevents pleasure and intimacy.

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