You might be surprised, maybe even shocked, to find out how often a man comes into my office and asks, “In sex, how are you supposed to get excited if you’re not watching porn?”
Like eyes and stomachs, penises only do what we want them to under special circumstances. If a man can’t get erect without those circumstances, that is NOT “E.D.”
Unfortunately, many physicians and the public seem to believe that penises should be like ATMs–ready to go on demand, 24/7. Many men who complain about their erections do NOT have “E.D.”–they have unrealistic…
I write books about sex and relationships. Too long for some people, I also write articles about sex and relationships. Too long for some people, I now post about sex and relationships on Instagram.
Interested in infidelity, desire, empathy, porn, or orgasm? Here are some of my favorite posts, each with a bit of explanation.
Many people think performance anxiety around sex is inevitable. But the reasons can be understood, and the anxiety changed–so that people can enjoy a broader range of sexual experiences, free from the fear of disappointment and self-criticism.
Many couples argue about porn–but the conflict isn’t really about porn. It’s typically about sexual dissatisfaction–how much they do it, whether they both enjoy, whether they feel close during and after.
These are important issues. And eliminating porn from one partner’s life won’t address any of them.
What’s needed instead is…
Every week, people come for therapy with desire issues. Someone wants higher libido. Someone else wants their partner to have a higher libido.
My answer is frequently…let’s talk about something else. Important issues might include:
~ Power dynamics
~ Body image
~ Self-esteem
~ Conflict management
~ Old wounds—the individual’s, the partner’s, or the couple’s
~ Religion
~ Alcohol and drugs
~ Aging, health, chronic pain, menopause, contraception
Sometimes the problem is easy to…