There’s no one right way to navigate infidelity, whether your own or your partner’s.
But there are some wrong ways. After 44 years as a marriage counselor, I’ve seen thousands of people make the same set of mistakes AFTER infidelity has been revealed.
Here are the most common:
~ Decide…
In a recent national study, more than half the female respondents reported faking an orgasm at least once. A quarter of male respondents said that they had, too.
We know why people fake orgasms…
And we know how most people can orgasm more reliably…
But do remember: If you think orgasm is the best part of sex, you’re missing the best part of sex.
People talk about their “Love Languages” the way they talk about their eye color or foot size–“That’s just who I am, there’s nothing I can do about it, and you’ll just have to adapt to it.”
When anyone says “This is just who I am” instead of “This is what i prefer,” the relationship is headed for…
“A client wonders if she’s bisexual. How do I help her decide?”
“A patient thinks he’s asexual. How do I evaluate this?”
I provide case consultations for many therapists each month, and questions like these are not unusual. Much to the surprise of my colleagues, I generally say that they—and their patients—are asking the wrong question.
Many therapists say that labels such as “bisexual,” “asexual,” and “demisexual” give people permission to (finally) be who they are. But I say…
Last fall, this guy (let’s call him Sanjay) came to see me with erection problems, referred by his urologist. Sanjay had spent a lot of time online, researching supplements, diet changes, kegels, etc.. “I don’t know much about sex therapy,” he said. “Please tell me specific things to do.”
He had never had sex with anyone. He believed he had E.D. because he had just returned from Mumbai, where he had tried to have sex for the first time–with a woman he barely knew, under a lot of pressure. They were hoping to marry, but given his poor “performance,” she suggested they simply give up on sex altogether.
So Sanjay was in a panic.
Enter Johann Sebastian Bach, the towering master of the Baroque.
Pressuring a partner to have sex will, over time, poison the relationship. Similarly, if someone acquiesces to sex they don’t want, over and over, that will poison the relationship, too.
Men should stop doing the first, and women should stop doing the second.
And by the way, no one “needs” sex a certain amount every week (or month or year). Some people WANT it much more frequently than they have it–but that’s NOT the same…