For a lot of people these days, sexual identity seems to be more about identity than about sexuality. That is, people are adapting or defining their sexual identity based on what group they want to affiliate with, or what that identity tells them about themselves, rather than simply enjoying what they enjoy.
Joel and Marissa are very nice people. They care for each other and plan to spend their lives together. Each of them has very little sexual experience, however, and they’re having trouble getting into any sort of intimate rhythm together.
They’ve come to me while grappling with a perfect storm: very little sexual experience, very little knowledge about sex and bodies, and a lot of anxiety about sexual activity and competence. This would be enough to make sex difficult for anyone.
I’ve always said that I’m not one of those sex therapists who gives advice. I don’t tell you who you shouldn’t marry, which sex position “most women” like, or if you should try a threesome.
Rather, I see my job focusing more on education: providing facts about biology, laying out competing ideas about how to make decisions, and sharing my accumulated experience of how things tend to work.
At age 66, Louis doesn’t orgasm every time he has sex. He doesn’t mind, but it’s driving his girlfriend crazy.
For many people, Valentine’s Day is a night of pressure, followed by disappointment or conflict. It doesn’t have to be that way.
A wide range of men & women seek treatment with me because they are deeply ashamed of various aspects of their sexuality.