Sex Therapist’s Couch

Who Can Discuss Sex Without Discussing Damage?

Is there any point in talking about cars without mentioning car accidents? Certainly. Is there any value in discussing the Golden Gate Bridge or Niagara Falls without bringing up drowning or suicide? Of course there is. So why do so many people find it impossible to tolerate a serious conversation about sex that doesn’t include human trafficking, rape, kiddie porn, and child molestation? Why do such conversations have to be “corrected” with grim recitations of these problems—and why aren’t comments about these supposed “omissions” seen as off-topic? American marriage counselors and psychologists get notoriously brief training about human sexuality, typically…

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Seminar & Case Consult: Los Angeles

Existential Issues In Sex Therapy & Couples Counseling Existential issues are internal conflicts arising from the ongoing, inescapable confrontation with the givens of human existence–isolation, powerlessness, responsibility, death, and the desire for meaning. Most people defend themselves from fully acknowledging such realities. Therapy needs to illuminate how these defenses shape the behavior and thinking that brings people into therapy. We can help patients understand that truths like the following—rather than their presenting problems—are the issues with which they are really grappling: * Loving involves pain and, ultimately, abandonment or separation * We are responsible for how we express our feelings–regardless…

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Seminar: Santa Clara, CA

When Sex Gets Complicated: Porn, Affairs, Kink, & Other Clinical Challenges November 2, 2007 1:00pm-5:00pm The number of patients involved in pornography, non-monogamy, sadomasochism, and sex toys has dramatically increased. Are we prepared to provide them quality therapy? Every therapist deals with sexual issues—loss of desire, lack of orgasm, unreliable erections. And, of course, shame, anxiety, and confusion often accompany common sexual issues. But some sexual issues are more difficult than others. They challenge our clinical beliefs or personal values. Perhaps they highlight our lack of knowledge or vocabulary. As society becomes more psychologically sophisticated, the sexual problems people bring…

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Are you Sexually Normal — and Does That Matter?

In my 20 years as a sex therapist, people continue to ask me one question more than any other. The most common sexual question is “Am I normal?”
Americans are concerned — virtually obsessed — with the normality of their sexual fantasies, preferences, responses, frequency, secrets, turn-offs, problems, and bodies. The fear of being sexually abnormal interferes with and even prevents pleasure and intimacy.

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Silicon Valley Sex Therapy

I’m a sex therapist. I spend most of my time in the private worlds of 25 patients a week. I treat undependable penises and vaginas, desires that trouble partners, orgasms that don’t please, and fantasies that frighten. Hour after hour in a comfortable chair listening to uncomfortable people, I sit in a sunlit room bearing witness to the darkest parts of people’s lives.

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