Every parent complains that kids are using porn as sex ed. That’s why every parent should actively participate in educating their kids about sex–whether the kids want it or not, and whether the parents are comfortable with it or not.
And you need to do it now, regardless of your kids’ ages.
Here are some common ideas and words you can share with your kids about their (and your) sexual concerns. Use Father’s Day as an excuse to start…
Despite the extraordinary amount of good information that’s available, the number of people who are sexually frustrated, disappointed, confused, anxious, or clueless hasn’t declined. In fact, young people today have less sex than young people did 10, 20, or 30 years ago.
The reasons include the usual suspects: selecting an incompatible partner; religious & cultural beliefs that sexual desire is dangerous; poor communication skills; insecurity about desires, fantasies, or one’s body.
But today there’s another culprit undermining sexual desire and satisfaction: social media.
A recent report says that when men & women have sex together, the men are more likely to climax than the women.
It bemoans this as The Orgasm Gap. But that’s the wrong way to measure people’s sexual experience.
For example, we could focus on…
World-famous sex educator Ruth Westheimer died this month, aged 96.
To virtually every American now over 50 (and millions of young ‘uns), she was known as Dr. Ruth, the funny little old lady who revolutionized the way sex was discussed in mainstream media. From radio to TV, magazines, and newspapers, she made it OK to talk about sex using plain language to discuss plain things.
Back in the dinosaur days before 1980, the media didn’t talk about sex without smirking and euphemisms. Sex was intercourse, women who couldn’t climax from it were “frigid,” and old people weren’t sexual at all. And most TV sitcom couples still slept in separate beds.
Almost 50 years later, it’s easy to take potshots at Dr. Ruth’s of-her-time limitations. But today’s sexual identity activists should realize that all too soon, the future will judge many of their views as old-fashioned, naive, breathlessly emotional, or just plain wrong.
At our first session, when I ask “what would you like to accomplish in our therapy,” people will often mention their fantasies (too weird?), their desire (too low, too high), or their penis or vagina (which won’t do what they want when they want it).
Very few people say “I want to feel less shame.” Of course not—they’re too ashamed.
Sexual shame has many causes–and it’s usually not an individual’s fault. It takes many forms, which therapy can often reduce.
Dr. Debby Herbenick, one of the world’s most important sex educators and researchers, has a new book out, and it’s great. It’s called “Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex.”
Before you go away because you don’t have kids, or because your kids are too young or too old, read on. Because there’s stuff in this book that’s relevant to all of us.
Especially the stuff about rough sex, which a huge number of young people are doing.