Sexual Intelligence Blog

Shame—A Bigger Problem Than Your Penis, Vagina, Fantasies, or Desire

At our first session, when I ask “what would you like to accomplish in our therapy,” people will often mention their fantasies (too weird?), their desire (too low, too high), or their penis or vagina (which won’t do what they want when they want it).

Very few people say “I want to feel less shame.” Of course not—they’re too ashamed.

Sexual shame has many causes–and it’s usually not an individual’s fault. It takes many forms, which therapy can often reduce.

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“Yes, Your Kid”—and Maybe You?

Dr. Debby Herbenick, one of the world’s most important sex educators and researchers, has a new book out, and it’s great. It’s called “Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex.”

Before you go away because you don’t have kids, or because your kids are too young or too old, read on. Because there’s stuff in this book that’s relevant to all of us.

Especially the stuff about rough sex, which a huge number of young people are doing.

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Cheated On? Here’s The WORST 5 Things You Can Do

Every week, I counsel men and women heartbroken over infidelity.

And every week, I try to prevent those people from making big mistakes. If it’s already too late, I help people deal with the consequences of their big mistakes.

Frequently, nearly everyone in the Betrayed’s life is encouraging them to make big mistakes. That can even include their therapist. It most certainly includes the internet and social media.

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Valentine’s Day: Not-So-Crazy Ideas for Better Sex

It’s Valentine’s Day, and so many people are thinking about sex.

Most people won’t do it tonight (there’s no day of the year when “most people” have sex), but in case you do, here are some tips you probably won’t read elsewhere. In fact, they’ll contradict some of the most popular advice.

BTW, no equipment or weight loss is needed for any of these.

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Porn Didn’t Destroy This Marriage—Her PornPhobia Could

What kind of a woman would destroy a perfectly good marriage (and great sex life) because her husband looks at porn?

There’s too, too many of them. One of those hubbies came to see me last week.

OK, he lied about watching. Not cool to lie.

But why would a grownup lie? The reason isn’t that complicated—he…

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