Sexual Intelligence Blog

Go Tell The Government You Watch Porn

More than half of all Americans live in states that now (or by year’s end) will require them to prove they’re adults in order to access most legal porn sites.

How can you prove you’re a grownup? By uploading your driver’s license, passport, mortgage or employment record.

Raise your hand if you want to share that kind of data with the government—in the context of watching porn, no less.

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Saying “No” Does NOT Equal “Low Desire”

One of the most common problems people come to see me about?

“I have low desire.”
“He has low desire.”
“She has low desire.”

In response, I ask lots of questions. We talk. And at least half the time, I surprise people: “I don’t think this is a desire issue.”

Saying no to something when you don’t expect to enjoy it isn’t a “problem,” it’s common sense.

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Shame—A Bigger Problem Than Your Penis, Vagina, Fantasies, or Desire

At our first session, when I ask “what would you like to accomplish in our therapy,” people will often mention their fantasies (too weird?), their desire (too low, too high), or their penis or vagina (which won’t do what they want when they want it).

Very few people say “I want to feel less shame.” Of course not—they’re too ashamed.

Sexual shame has many causes–and it’s usually not an individual’s fault. It takes many forms, which therapy can often reduce.

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“Yes, Your Kid”—and Maybe You?

Dr. Debby Herbenick, one of the world’s most important sex educators and researchers, has a new book out, and it’s great. It’s called “Yes, Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex.”

Before you go away because you don’t have kids, or because your kids are too young or too old, read on. Because there’s stuff in this book that’s relevant to all of us.

Especially the stuff about rough sex, which a huge number of young people are doing.

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Cheated On? Here’s The WORST 5 Things You Can Do

Every week, I counsel men and women heartbroken over infidelity.

And every week, I try to prevent those people from making big mistakes. If it’s already too late, I help people deal with the consequences of their big mistakes.

Frequently, nearly everyone in the Betrayed’s life is encouraging them to make big mistakes. That can even include their therapist. It most certainly includes the internet and social media.

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