Everybody wants to know what “normal sex” is–what is sex like for other people? I’ve spent decades NOT answering this question—from patients, the media, from my readers, radio listeners, lecture audiences.
Why? Because people inevitably use the information in terribly non-helpful ways.
Law school professor Irina Manta proposes that lying on dating apps like Tinder in order to get sex should be criminalized. This demonizes sex, and says that dating is too dangerous to allow adults to do it unsupervised.
Every week, I deal with men terribly anxious about losing or strengthening their “manliness.” A lot of women are concerned about their mate’s “manliness,” too. They all measure it by referring to an erection—a small bit of flesh which comes and goes as it pleases. I think it’s rather pointless for people to be measuring their own or others’ manliness–especially if measure it by something that’s outside the man’s control.
Extramarital affairs? Men and women marry, so men and women cheat. Sometimes it’s once, with no emotional attachment. Sometimes it’s years with a beloved in the next town—virtually a second husband or wife.
And sometimes the whole thing blows up. When it does, some Cheaters actually makes things worse.
I recently spoke in Vancouver, Canada, at one of the city’s most progressive hospitals. Afterwards, several medical staff came up to thank me.
One doc said, “I’m uncomfortable with so many women shaving or waxing their pubic mounds. It just looks to me like women responding to cultural pressure—mostly men and porn—to look like little girls.” I disagreed, and asked…
In 2018, sex is the only thing left that people do without ear buds or a screen.
This makes sex one of the last havens of actual human-human contact. Paradoxically, sex can be revolutionary precisely because it can be a place without politics. The Church hates sex because it’s where humans can experience actual autonomy.