Sexual Intelligence Blog

Women’s Internalized Oppression: Undermining Your Own Sexuality

Like children telling stories about a scary old man, women criticize each other’s sexuality–from a safe distance.
“Slut!” is what women call a woman who is “too” sexual. It’s someone who can enjoy sex without being in love. Someone who admits she enjoys sex more than a woman “should.” In other words, it’s a woman who can enjoy sex the way only men are supposed to be able to.

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Silicon Valley Sex Therapy

I’m a sex therapist. I spend most of my time in the private worlds of 25 patients a week. I treat undependable penises and vaginas, desires that trouble partners, orgasms that don’t please, and fantasies that frighten. Hour after hour in a comfortable chair listening to uncomfortable people, I sit in a sunlit room bearing witness to the darkest parts of people’s lives.

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Harassment or Bullying? Apparently, It Depends on the Target’s Gender

I’m very much against people being mean or violent to each other. But although I’ve spent my entire career promoting gender equality, current efforts designed to protect people from others’ sexual energy feels misplaced, even dangerous to me.
These days it seems that people are looking at gender relationships, being reminded of sex, and reacting as if all unwanted attention men give women is best understood as sexual–and therefore damaging.

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The Meaning of Sex

Sex has no intrinsic Meaning. Almost everyone wishes it did.
The desire to give sex meaning is an understandable, important enterprise. Honestly approached, it can be a valuable exercise; disguised as the righteous desire to simply appreciate the meaning sex has, or as the pursuit of restoring sex’s “true” meaning, it is a common source of conflict for both individuals and society.

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This Talkshow Thing

These talkshows are driving me crazy.
They prey on people’s misery, exploiting both the guests and studio audience. The hosts patronize and psychologize, as they suggest that complex problems have simple solutions. The genre propagates conservative norms about sex, and obsolete stereotypes about intimacy and gender. Everyone involved pretends that this is a wholesome enterprise, entertaining as well as educational.

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