A very few business skills are helpful in sex: communication, curiosity, and creativity.
Most business skills, however, undermine sexual pleasure & intimacy. Being present is far more important in sex than technique or facts or goal-orientation.
We imagine others having more pleasure, self-acceptance, and sexiness than we feel. They rarely feel as good as we imagine.
It’s the same with porn: real sex doesn’t feel as good as porn sex looks. It can’t. How shall we handle this?
Florida has criminalized sex dolls that look like children. Arizona has declared porn a public health crisis.
Both were done without input from scientists, sex experts, or consumers.
Joel and Marissa are very nice people. They care for each other and plan to spend their lives together. Each of them has very little sexual experience, however, and they’re having trouble getting into any sort of intimate rhythm together.
They’ve come to me while grappling with a perfect storm: very little sexual experience, very little knowledge about sex and bodies, and a lot of anxiety about sexual activity and competence. This would be enough to make sex difficult for anyone.
I’ve always said that I’m not one of those sex therapists who gives advice. I don’t tell you who you shouldn’t marry, which sex position “most women” like, or if you should try a threesome.
Rather, I see my job focusing more on education: providing facts about biology, laying out competing ideas about how to make decisions, and sharing my accumulated experience of how things tend to work.
At age 66, Louis doesn’t orgasm every time he has sex. He doesn’t mind, but it’s driving his girlfriend crazy.