Sexual Intelligence Blog

A Look Back at 2023

2023 was a full year for Sexual Intelligence.

My newsletter now goes to almost 8,000 people every month. That’s in addition to my Sexual Intelligence blog for Psychology Today, which gets 1,100 hits per DAY.

This year I covered my usual topics: making sex more enjoyable; examining America’s War on Sex; explaining & critiquing sex therapy and couples therapy; and sex in the news, including both dark and light-hearted…

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When Sex Therapy Fails

Deepak is a nice enough guy—mid-30s, Silicon Valley software engineer, married three years to Nikki, a researcher. They had both come here from India for graduate school, and stayed afterwards. He was referred to me by the Stanford Medical Center.

One of my specialties is Deepak’s exact complaint: unreliable erections. After three sessions, however, I’m pretty sure he’ll be disappointed with the results of our work.

That’s because we still disagree on what his problem actually is…

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How Men & Women Cooperate to Undermine Sex

As a sex therapist, I hear a lot about how sex doesn’t work, how complicated it is, and how often it simply isn’t worth the trouble. Of course, I’m sympathetic.

But my job is to notice exactly how people create the sex that frustrates them. It doesn’t take much: disliking your body; not trusting your partner; feeling guilty about what you want or don’t want; anxiety about, well, anything.

Those are the issues I help individuals identify and resolve. After that, people often enjoy sex much more.

Frequently, though, sexual difficulties are maintained by two partners together.

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The Scariest Halloween Goblin: Sex Offenders

Every Halloween, in virtually every community, some obsessed individuals play out their heroic rescue fantasies by scaring everyone else about the dangers our precious kids face from strangers waiting to molest them.

Websites, local newspapers, TV morning shows, and activist groups dutifully repeat the same story: that people on Sex Offender Registries right in your own town are treacherous.

And yet the data…

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Let’s Talk Vaginas

They each had a Ph.D, had been married for three years, and obviously trusted and loved each other. And neither one knew a vagina from, well, a hole in the ground.

Their parents were pressuring them to have children as soon as possible, but it “just wasn’t happening,” so they figured they’d have to go through artificial fertility treatments.

Su’s gynecologist suggested they see me before they did, “just in case” I could say something helpful.

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