Sexual Intelligence Blog

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Existential Issues In Sex Therapy & Couples Counseling Existential issues are internal conflicts arising from the ongoing, inescapable confrontation with the givens of human existence–isolation, powerlessness, responsibility, death, and the desire for meaning. Most people defend themselves from fully acknowledging such realities. Therapy needs to illuminate how these defenses shape the behavior and thinking that brings people into therapy. We can help patients understand that truths like the following—rather than their presenting problems—are the issues with which they are really grappling: * Loving involves pain and, ultimately, abandonment or separation * We are responsible for how we express our feelings–regardless…

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Sexual Interest in Men Does NOT Make Larry Craig Gay

Larry Craig says he’s not gay. I believe him. A lot of men who have sex with men aren’t gay. Life was simple before 1948: someone was either 100% heterosexual or they were queer (note to young people: that’s what gays were called in the old days). But then biologist Alfred Kinsey studied Americans’ sexuality in detail, and as he discovered, “people are not so easily divided into sheeps and goats.” Kinsey determined that almost half of American men had both heterosexual and same-gender experiences as adults. Like heterosexual women, men also had same-gender sexual fantasies, preferences, and desires. And…

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Religious Freedom: More Important Than Sexual Freedom?

There’s nothing as educational—or aggravating—as monitoring the websites and listserves of anti-freedom activists. Over the years, I’ve discussed Morality in Media, Parents Television Council, Abstinence Clearinghouse, Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, and many others committed to undermining America’s unique, life-affirming promises of secular liberty. Their mission is bad enough (God-awful, you might say), but it’s extra-aggravating when they describe their work as defending Americans’ liberty. One such group is the Rutherford Institute, a 501(c)(3) (that means you and I subsidize it), which claims it’s “dedicated to the defense of civil liberties and human rights.” Rutherford lawyers have cynically leaped to the…

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Senatorial Bathroom Blowjob Bust

So they caught Idaho Senator Larry Craig supposedly offering some vague sex act to someone in the men’s room. The police report—all over the internet—is a primer on how guys apparently do this: you put your left foot in, you put your left foot out… It’s easy to take shots at Craig, who has made a living demanding that the law curtail same-gender activity—and is caught inviting the same thing. In fact, Craig has a history of surreptitious male-male sex. And a history of wanting his disgust for gay people enshrined in American law. He recently urged a federal constitutional…

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When Language Is More Important Than War

Sixteen million Americans fought in WWII. A half-million of them died in it. That’s equal to the entire population of Washington, DC. Or of Wyoming. Very few of those 16,000,000 are still alive, and a dwindling number of Americans actually knows one of them. To create and preserve a record of what actually happened, Ken Burns has made a 14-hour documentary for PBS. It has exactly four instances of words you might hear—or say—if someone were trying to kill you. The Parents Television Council plans to scour those fourteen hours for the four words they don’t want anyone to say…

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Singer Stefani Censored In [where?]

Quiz: Where did this happen? You may know Gwen Stefani’s music. Formerly with the group No Doubt, she’s now a huge pop star. Incredible voice. Powerful stage presence. Movie-star face. Gorgeous body. An altogether thrilling artist. Quiz: Where did this happen? Stefani’s local stadium concert is announced. A religious student group demonstrates, demanding that the sexy star dress more modestly and turn down the heat on her stage show. Conservative critics chime in, claiming that her typically revealing costumes corrupt the country’s youth. Stefani agrees to make changes. In a magazine interview, she says she’s making a “major sacrifice,” mourning…

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