New Hampshire Adds Civil Unions; Predictable Chaos Follows

Share This Article

At midnight on January 1, New Hampshire became the fourth state to legalize same-gender civil unions. Amid the New Year’s Eve hoopla, twenty-three couples tied the knot on the State House steps.

As predicted, the world did more or less come to an end:

* Heterosexual spouses across the state were disappointed with each other. While the sources of dissatisfaction were many, sex was a recurring complaint.
* Horses and goats around the state asked for civil unions with their farmers or farmers’ daughters (depending, of course, on the gender of the horses and goats).
* Children showed various effects. There were many reports of peculiar behavior such as inattention in school, disobeying parents, and spending way too much time in the bathroom.

The other states to previously legalize gay civil unions are Vermont, Connecticut, and New Jersey. Only Massachusetts has legalized same-gender marriage. Some people see a sinister force at work, as the state’s Boston Celtics are having a supernaturally good season—thus far winning 90% of their 30 games. Thus far, no has been able to prove that the citizens of Massachusetts have not sold their souls to the Devil.

As proof that God disapproves of homosexuality, several clergy members cited the unusual weather during the civil ceremonies—cold, with snow and some wind, despite the fact that it’s January.

Share This Article

Previous Post
Next Post