Many of GenZ’s young men have a troubled relationship to sex.
Porn is not the problem.
However, HOW young men consume and digest porn is a big problem.
Most people are able to watch films like Star Wars, The Hurt Locker, Mad Max, and Harry Potter without thinking that they’re instructional—manuals on how to drive, fly, fight, or conjure.
But somehow, today’s young men think porn is a library of documentaries…
Many people think performance anxiety around sex is inevitable. But the reasons can be understood, and the anxiety changed–so that people can enjoy a broader range of sexual experiences, free from the fear of disappointment and self-criticism.
After decades of wrongly demonizing it, the FDA has cleared estrogen as a safe treatment for the symptoms of menopause.
Many couples argue about porn–but the conflict isn’t really about porn. It’s typically about sexual dissatisfaction–how much they do it, whether they both enjoy, whether they feel close during and after.
These are important issues. And eliminating porn from one partner’s life won’t address any of them.
What’s needed instead is…
“Conversion therapy” can’t change sexual orientation. It can cruelly bully people to stop having sex, but it can’t change their attraction.
“Conversion therapy” of minors is illegal in 23 states.
But what if a minor comes to therapy convinced they’re trans–should it be illegal to discuss them possibly changing their identity away from trans and back to their birth gender? Not force, mind you–discuss.
The Supreme Court has started hearing arguments on this question, in Chiles v. Salazar.
Every week, people come for therapy with desire issues. Someone wants higher libido. Someone else wants their partner to have a higher libido.
My answer is frequently…let’s talk about something else. Important issues might include:
~ Power dynamics
~ Body image
~ Self-esteem
~ Conflict management
~ Old wounds—the individual’s, the partner’s, or the couple’s
~ Religion
~ Alcohol and drugs
~ Aging, health, chronic pain, menopause, contraception
Sometimes the problem is easy to…