Anilingus a fetish?

Q: My wife and I have a great sex life and she can get me aroused anytime, anywhere. Sometimes during intercourse however, she stops and offers to help me to orgasm. On these occasions she’ll indulge my second favorite passion which is to masturbate while performing anilingus on her. Sometimes my orgasms this way are so intense I almost pass out, which she enjoys. My concern is, at which point does this turn into a fetish? I’ve always felt that fetishes are weird, but, with proper hygiene, is this any different than kissing toes, lips or anywhere else?

Dr. Klein: We all have erotic preferences, activities, situations, or conditions that make sex more enjoyable.

I think of a fetish as an erotic attachment to an object or activity that’s so strong that the person can’t enjoy sex without it. I believe that choice is a key to emotional health and growth; thus, I think being severely limited in one’s erotic vocabulary is rather unfortunate. On the other hand, if a person with a fetish has a partner who enjoys it, there doesn’t have to be a problem with it (assuming it’s safe and not likely to run you afoul of the law).

The question isn’t, “do I have a fetish?” The issue is, “are you and your wife happy with your sexual choices?” Other than your self-doubt, it sounds like you very much are.

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