Condoms & erections

Q: I’ve been seeing this girl for about 7 months and things are great. But she’s really into having lots of sex. There are 2 problems. First, she’s always asking did you buy the condom, and I always say no–I’m not really hooked on them like she is. Second, I sometimes lose my erection when I’m about to get inside her. This bruises my ego.

Dr. Klein: There are plenty of ways to have sex that don’t require a condom. If you like, spend more time doing them–using your hands, mouth, and imagination. But condoms don’t have to be a problem. They’re really thin, and with a drop of store-bought lubricant inside, you can hardly tell they’re there.

Some men get nervous and lose their erection while they’re putting a condom on. In that case, the main thing is to relax. Keep feeling all those great feelings–her mouth on your ear, your hand on her breasts, etc. Maybe she can put the condom on, leaving your hands free to do more of the things you’re already enjoying.

All men lose their erections at one time or another. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, since you can’t control it. When it happens, a smart guy looks at his partner and says, “well, looks kinda soft right now. Nothing personal, dear… let’s just play around some more and we’ll see what comes up in a while.” I urge you to discuss this with her when you’re feeling close and not having sex.

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