Q: Recently, a character on “Friends” said a woman has seven erogenous zones, but she didn’t list them. What are they? I need to know because I recently had my first sexual encounter of any kind (no intercourse). The things that are supposed to arouse women didn’t work for me–not French kissing, breast fondling, being fingered or getting oral sex. Then, one time my boyfriend caressed a place on my back and I went crazy, it gave me the feeling that I expected all along from these other things. Was his sexual technique bad, or am I frigid? Maybe we are just both uneducated, but I am concerned this is my problem and it will surface with future men. Please tell me what I am doing wrong and what is missing.
Dr. Klein: Very few people feel satisfied with their first sexual encounter. Anxiety, lack of information, and simply not being ready for the complications of sexuality can make first times confusing and scary. When a person is anxious, it’s hard to enjoy any touching. When a person feels safe and relaxed, however, the entire body is an erogenous zone. However, just as each person has individual preferences regarding food, we each like slightly different kinds of erotic stimulation. Ears, neck, toes, thighs, and other body parts each have their fans. Enjoy whatever feels good to you. Besides, what we like changes over time. Oral sex with one person, for example, is very different than oral sex with another person. And tomorrow you may find yourself experimenting with, and enjoying, something you didn’t much care for yesterday. Please understand that there is no such thing as being “frigid”. Each person needs time to learn about her body, and about how to relax and enjoy sensual pleasure. Each of us needs to tell our partner what we enjoy. Sex is a place for self-discovery, not self-criticism. To help you explore your sexuality, look at a book such as “Our Bodies Ourselves”, “For Yourself”, or “A New View of A Woman’s Body.”