Female orgasm

Q: Although my boyfriend and I have sex often, I almost never come. I get very close, but he always seems to come faster and once he comes he usually falls asleep. He’s concerned that our sex life is not as fulfilling for me; I always say that it feels very good and that I was very close. I’m very apprehensive about asking him for oral sex or other stimulation.

Dr. Klein: It seems as if you are not pursuing your sexual pleasure wholeheartedly. You don’t tell the truth about not coming, you don’t insist your boyfriend stay awake, you hesitate to ask for oral sex. What is holding you back? Many people are afraid of losing control of themselves during sex or of becoming ravenous. Others feel they don’t deserve pleasure, aren’t “the sexy type,” or fear their mate will somehow not like them being “too” sexual. I encourage you to investigate the source of your hesitation.

Also, what are you expecting to be the source of an orgasm? Very few women climax from intercourse alone; most women need to have their clitoris stimulated by a hand, mouth, vibrator, or other object. Do you climax when you masturbate? If so, find a man with whom you feel comfortable, and masturbate with him so you both can learn what you’d like him to do. If not, read Lonnie Barbach’s “For Yourself” (the original self-help book, and still state-of-the-art) or consult a therapist.

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