Q: A few nights ago my girlfriend and I both snuck out to see each other. We live an hour away from each other, so I drove out there. We went to a nearby beach, where it was really dark and really cold. We set up a blanket and started fooling around. It was great, so we decided to have sex–our first time. As I was putting on the condom, I lost my erection. My girlfriend has reassured me that it’s okay, but I’m really scared I’ll never get normal erections. What could have gone wrong?
Dr. Klein: Please don’t worry. EVERY guy loses his erection now and then. In your case, there were several extra reasons: You were undoubtedly a little anxious about making your girlfriend’s first time special. Maybe you were in a hurry or nervous, given that you had sneaked out of the house. You don’t have much experience with condoms. And finally, keeping an erection in the cold is very, very, VERY difficult–ever try it in a cold shower?
Remember that your erection is NOT the most important thing you bring to sex. Your presence is–your friendliness, sense of humor, patience, communication skills, and desire to learn what your partner wants. And remember that intercourse is only one kind of sex. You can give and receive pleasure with your mouth, hands, and the rest of your body. And most women don’t have orgasms with only intercourse anyway. Don’t rush to intercourse until you’ve explored each others’ bodies many times and feel really comfortable with each other.
I think it’s great that you’re committed to using condoms when you do have intercourse. That will make it more comfortable and more enjoyable for both of you. Feel free to discuss this with your girlfriend much, much more. EXACTLY what does she mean when she says that losing your erection is no big deal?