Married voyeur

Q: I have been married for 11 years. My husband rarely initiates sex with me, and seems more interested in masturbating with pornography, even though I love sex and want to do it with him often. Recently, I found out he is exchanging pornography with a person he met in a chat room. He has started taking pictures, covertly, of women’s rear ends around town. He has created hundreds of files of porn which I discovered while using our computer. Most alarming of all, he carelessly left sexually explicit material on the monitor once and our 9-year-old son and his friend saw it. He doesn’t think he has a problem. Can voyeurs have normal long-term intimate relationships or should I just give up?

Dr. Klein: It’s doubtful that your husband will want the kind of sex life that you want for yourself with him. The only way to tell for sure is in therapy, with someone experienced in such matters. If he isn’t willing to go, there’s almost no chance that he will change. While you can’t change his sexual preferences, it is reasonable to expect more responsible parenting behavior. At the very least, you two should discuss this, and attempt to come to an agreement about how he deals with the impact of his sexuality on your child. The outlook isn’t great for your situation.

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