Q: I am a 36-year-old female who has never had children. I’ve been told by various lovers that my vagina is not tight. Would certain sexual positions make it seem like my vagina was tighter than it is?
Dr. Klein: First of all, it’s very rare for a woman to be “too loose.” Your prior partners may not have understood how to create the sexual sensations they like, and then blamed you. Second, intercourse doesn’t have to focus on thrusting. Instead, you can, with a penis inside you, tilt or rock your pelvis so that you are stimulating your partner in different parts of his penis.
Third, feel free to experiment with different positions; everyone’s physiology is unique. Also, experiment with different angles in each position. For example, with him on his back and you sitting on him, leaning back will change the angle of the penis in the vagina, possibly giving him more contact with your vaginal walls. Fourth, if you want to tighten your vaginal grip, do “kegels,” exercises which strengthen your vaginal muscles. It’s the same inner motion as stopping the flow of urine. Do this slowly ten times three times a day for two weeks, and you should see results. For more detail, consult the book Our Bodies Ourselves.
Finally, remember that sexual pleasure is a joint responsibility, not yours alone. You and your partner should be exploring these possibilities together, rather than you being left to take care of everything yourself.