Sex On My Birthday

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I don’t expect to have sex on my birthday, which happens to be today.

I don’t mind sex on my birthday; I just don’t expect it.

My patients have taught me that expectations like that create problems. It’s even worse when you don’t tell your partner what you’re assuming.

But say you’re like many people. You look forward to sex on your birthday, anniversary, weekend away, or the day that the kids are with their uncle. You buy a bottle of champagne, or frilly undies, or flavored condoms. Maybe you drop a few hints.

You tell your best friend what you hope will happen. Maybe you say it better happen. And you get plenty of support from the usual suspects: Dr. Phil, Cosmo, every sex advice website on the planet. They tell you to make sex a big deal, prepare for a special night, make this the first day of the rest of your sex life.

Is it possible to load more pressure on our sexuality? Is it possible to invite more disappointment, more misunderstanding, more frustration? I don’t think so.

Sex on your birthday, or anyone else’s birthday (Margaret Sanger’s? Alexander Hamilton’s?), is fine. Just don’t expect it. If you want it, let your partner know. And if you don’t get it, don’t take that personally. Just like having sex means different things to different people, so does not having sex.

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