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Changing the Way People, Politics & the Media Look at Sex

‘beauty standards’

Does Better-Looking Mean Better Sex?

by Dr. Marty Klein on July 26, 2026·Sex & Culture, Sexual Health, Sexual Intelligence Blog

Does sex get better if your looks improve? Do better-looking people have better sex? And how does social media affect all this?

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Are You a Human?

6 + 9 =

doctormartyklein

S€x Therapist/Couples Therapist
Author of 7 books 📚
Forensic Expert: S€xual Behavior, P0rn, Fantasy, Paraphilias, Obscenity.
International Lecturer

Every quarrel should have a goal: What misundersta

Every quarrel should have a goal: What misunderstanding do we need to clear up? What do you need to know about what exactly I want and don’t want? Why do you feel hurt when I didn’t intend to hurt you?

Most importantly: what will each of us do differently next time?

Talking about feeling angry or hurt, with someone who wants to support you or understand you better, can be a valuable, life-affirming experience.

Quarreling just because you’re angry or hurt, without trying to accomplish anything, is a waste of time.
#perspectivetaking
#arguingcouples
#relationshiptherapy
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein

Let’s think about maximizing freedom of speech for

Let’s think about maximizing freedom of speech for those we disagree with. That will guarantee our own rights more effectively.
#freedomofspeech
#violenceprevention
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein

Saying “I need” means your desire is special, whic

Saying “I need” means your desire is special, which you can’t help. Saying “I want” makes your desire more down-to-earth–which along with all your other desires, and your partner’s desires, are up for negotiation.

Saying “I need” is a narrative–a story about power, not the thing that you supposedly need. “I need” doesn’t give a person special privileges or rights. It often turns people into adversaries, instead of a problem-solving team.

Is there anything you tell your partner that you “need” that you could change to “I want?”

#couplestherapy #couplestherapist #doctormartyklein #drmartyklein #desire

And to put it another way, just because someone wa

And to put it another way, just because someone wants you to like them (or be impressed by them) doesn’t necessarily mean they care about you.
#therapyquotes #couplestherapy #couplestherapist #doctormartyklein #drmartyklein

If two people are getting along, they ought to be

If two people are getting along, they ought to be able to find ways to touch each other that they both enjoy. And if two people are getting along, why would they want their partner to have unpleasant experiences?

If two people aren’t getting along, or there’s chronic anger in the relationship, there might be expectations that someone should have sex they don’t want, or don’t enjoy.

That’s not a sex problem–that’s a relationship problem. And having sex you don’t enjoy won’t fix the relationship problem.
#relationshipproblems #couplestherapist #couplestherapy #drmartyklein #doctormartyklein

So exposure to art–in whatever form–is not a luxur

So exposure to art–in whatever form–is not a luxury item for a small group of “culture vultures.” It’s a necessary part of being human, a continuing chance to be part of something bigger than ourselves or our familiar community.

Great art challenges what we think of as “normal,” “regular,” “basic,” “obvious,” “human nature,” etc. What a gift!

#artlovers #therapyinart #therapistsofinstagram #drmartyklein #doctormartyklein

While orgasms can be great, they’re NOT the most i

While orgasms can be great, they’re NOT the most important part of sex. Plenty of people have orgasms but find the rest of the sex that’s available rather tedious.

That’s why orgasm is the wrong way to measure people’s sexual experience. A better question would be, “How much do you ENJOY sex?”

In fact, an even better question is “How much do you enjoy sex when it’s in a time, place, manner, and with a person you choose?” When THAT’S the question, there’s a much smaller difference between men and women than the so-called Orgasm Gap. #thebigo #doctormartyklein #drmartyklein #sextherapy #therapistsofinstagram

Wild physical pleasure is a wonderful sexual exper

Wild physical pleasure is a wonderful sexual experience. It’s even better if you can stay connected to a partner while you’re enjoying it.

Staying present during pleasure is as much a sexual skill as knowing how to create that pleasure–in yourself, or in a partner.

#seggstherapy #doctormartyklein #drmartyklein #couplestherapy #desireincouples

If he watches porn, is that a form of infidelity?

If he watches porn, is that a form of infidelity? If he loses desire for his partner, is porn to blame? If he’s insensitive to his partner’s sexual needs, is porn the reason?

If the answer to these questions is “You have to stop watching porn,” nothing will change, and people won’t get closer (which is what many people want).

If the answer to these questions is “Leave me alone, it’s none of your business,” nothing will change and people won’t get closer.

Most couples in conflict about his porn watching don’t ask each other questions, don’t listen to each other’s concerns, and don’t talk about what’s really going on–which is generally not about porn at all.

Porn doesn’t cause couples’ difficulties. Not talking about porn does.

#infidelity #couplesdifficulties #hardconversations #drmartyklein #doctormartyklein

No one likes to be reminded of a terrible experien

No one likes to be reminded of a terrible experience. But sometimes we are. We then have choices about how to respond. The popular concept of “triggering,” however, suggests we have no choice—we “of course” respond poorly. This story of our powerlessness is a mistake. #triggered #traumarecovery #triggerwarning #doctormartyklein #drmartyklein

For example, deciding it’s all his fault or it’s a

For example, deciding it’s all his fault or it’s all my fault is rarely accurate. Deception is 100% the deceiver’s responsibility, but the context of the deception is co-created by both parties.

When betrayed spouses go to Reddit or other social media after betrayal, they invariably are reading others’ oversimplifications. The validation feels good, so many adopt those platitudes uncritically.

Infidelity doesn’t involve one evil person and one wholesome person; it involves two imperfect humans–who haven’t communicated enough.

#infidelityrecovery #couplescounseling #couplestherapy #doctormartyklein #drmartyklein

While “consent” is crucial in any couple activity,

While “consent” is crucial in any couple activity, including sex, the concept has an adversarial feel to it–as if one person wants something from the other.

I’d rather think of sex as something that people share, that someone wants with someone else rather than from them. So let’s talk about cooperation instead of consent.

And let’s ask why some people (mostly men) don’t value cooperation in a sexual partner. What kind of sexual experience are they expecting, wanting, or planning to have?
#consentandcooperation #couplestherapist #consentiskey #drmartyklein #doctormartyklein

Whatever your age, if you’re waiting for desire to

Whatever your age, if you’re waiting for desire to feel like it used to, you may miss the desire you actually have.

Once we pass the hormonal 20s, desire involves a choice–choosing to find and attend to things we find attractive in others. This is different than relying in another person to turn us on.

#desireacrossthelifespan #doctormartyklein #drmartyklein #humandesire #aginginrelationships

…and so the person who wants sex usually keeps ask

…and so the person who wants sex usually keeps asking, hoping for a different answer. Sometimes they offer a different kind of sex (“You can be on top”; “We’ll do oral”; “You can tie me up,” whatever).

But since they don’t know the real reasons someone is saying “no,” they’re just offering random things that the other person is still going to reject.

Then the first person gets to say “You’re just low desire,” or “It’s impossible to get you interested,” and everyone goes away frustrated.

When you say “No, thanks,” do you explain why? You don’t need a good reason–”I’m just not in the mood” is fine–but if there is a serious reason, your partner would probably prefer to know it.

#couplestherapy #drmartyklein #doctormartyklein #desireincouples #therapistsofinstagram

People lie (or cheat) for one reason–the avoid the

People lie (or cheat) for one reason–the avoid the consequences (real or perceived) of telling the truth.

Too many marriages depend on “You better not tell me certain thoughts or behaviors.” Secrets follow, and then betrayal may not be far behind.

Many people tell me they can’t talk about sex–even though they can talk about everything else. Imagine a world in which most people agreed that “Talking about food is embarrassing” or “I hate using the right words for body parts when I play sports or hike.”

#infidelity #marriagetherapist #doctormartyklein #drmartyklein #communicationskills

It can be really painful to look at a partner you

It can be really painful to look at a partner you care for and say “I’m not attracted to you.” Of course they’ll take it personally (although you’re clearly talking about yourself, not the other person).

On the other hand, saying “I’m just low desire for sex” gives both parties a bit of a refuge.

But this might not be accurate. Some of my patients who say they’re low desire are hiding the truth–not from their partner, but from themselves. Once you admit to yourself that you aren’t attracted to your partner, you have to decide what to do–which can be very, very scary.
#doctormartyklein, #desiredifferences #couplestherapy #rulesofattraction

Are your life narratives structured around various

Are your life narratives structured around various kinds of powerlessness?

Are you trying to keep everybody happy?
Trying to prevent those you love from disappointment or suffering?
Trying to prevent people from thinking bad things about you?
Trying to prove you're not your terrible father or mother?
Trying to prove you're not greedy, selfish, ungrateful, frigid?
Trying to prove anything?

Of course you feel you had no choice, over and over. When you spend your life trying to prove things, or rescue people, you have very few real choices.

And no, no one will really appreciate your sacrifices.
#therapistsofinstagram
#therapistknowledge
#doctormartyklein
#drmartyklein
#couplestherapist

“Sex addiction” is a popular explanation for repet

“Sex addiction” is a popular explanation for repetitive sexual behavior with negative consequences. Just because someone FEELS out of control—or looks out of control, or claims to be out of control—doesn’t mean they are. Thoughts? #doctormartyklein #couplestherapy #sextherapy #couplestherapist #therapistsofinstagram

The problem might really be about Power Difficulty

The problem might really be about
Power
Difficulty feeling appreciated
Lack of self-acceptance
Anxiety
Fear of rejection
Anger about non-sexual things
…or one of a hundred other things.
#therapistofinstagram #doctormartyklein #drmartyklein #couplestherapy #couplestherapist

Words can be scary, confusing, aggravating, or eve

Words can be scary, confusing, aggravating, or even hurtful. But as long as people are talking, they’re usually not hitting. This means that the response can also be words, rather than hitting.
There’s no guarantee that such an exchange will end in understanding. But when the exchange is actual violence, it guarantees that there won’t be an understanding.
#therapistthoughts #martyklein #doctormartyklein #couplestherapy

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