Like eyes and stomachs, penises only do what we want them to under special circumstances. If a man can’t get erect without those circumstances, that is NOT “E.D.”
Unfortunately, many physicians and the public seem to believe that penises should be like ATMs–ready to go on demand, 24/7. Many men who complain about their erections do NOT have “E.D.”–they have unrealistic…
Many people think performance anxiety around sex is inevitable. But the reasons can be understood, and the anxiety changed–so that people can enjoy a broader range of sexual experiences, free from the fear of disappointment and self-criticism.
Deepak is a nice enough guy—mid-30s, Silicon Valley software engineer, married three years to Nikki, a researcher. They had both come here from India for graduate school, and stayed afterwards. He was referred to me by the Stanford Medical Center.
One of my specialties is Deepak’s exact complaint: unreliable erections. After three sessions, however, I’m pretty sure he’ll be disappointed with the results of our work.
That’s because we still disagree on what his problem actually is…
Sex is usually about more than just sex.
So to improve our sex lives, it’s often necessary to explore and discuss non-sexual things.
Here are examples of patients who wondered “Why are we talking about this instead of sex?” Our successful therapy showed them why.
Every week, I deal with men terribly anxious about losing or strengthening their “manliness.” A lot of women are concerned about their mate’s “manliness,” too. They all measure it by referring to an erection—a small bit of flesh which comes and goes as it pleases. I think it’s rather pointless for people to be measuring their own or others’ manliness–especially if measure it by something that’s outside the man’s control.
Opinions about porn are like noses—everybody has one. But varying opinions are so contradictory, they can’t all be right. We actually do know a lot about contemporary porn’s use and effects, so let’s get some knowable facts out on the table. * Myth: Porn is mostly violent and misogynist. * Fact: Most porn shows happy, smiling people doing fairly ordinary things. A lot of porn shows happy, smiling (and perhaps sweaty) people doing exotic things. And some porn shows adults pretending to play dominance and submission games. Pretending? Yes. The actors and actresses are acting. * Myth: Watching porn causes…