‘making sex better’

Conflict About Porn is Not About Porn

Many couples argue about porn–but the conflict isn’t really about porn. It’s typically about sexual dissatisfaction–how much they do it, whether they both enjoy, whether they feel close during and after.

These are important issues. And eliminating porn from one partner’s life won’t address any of them.

What’s needed instead is…

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A Look Back at 2023

2023 was a full year for Sexual Intelligence.

My newsletter now goes to almost 8,000 people every month. That’s in addition to my Sexual Intelligence blog for Psychology Today, which gets 1,100 hits per DAY.

This year I covered my usual topics: making sex more enjoyable; examining America’s War on Sex; explaining & critiquing sex therapy and couples therapy; and sex in the news, including both dark and light-hearted…

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More Sexual Curiosity, Please

As a sex therapist for over 30 years, one of the most common goals people have come in with is “I want to be a better lover.” Of course, different people mean different things by that. These range from “I want my partner to enjoy sex more;” to “I want to compete more effectively with other would-be lovers (real or imagined);” to “I want to enjoy sex more.” Some of these people are highly experienced, while others are beginners. Most people who “want to be better lovers” are after some new technique, the latest sex toy, or a position they…

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