‘masturbation’

No Orgasm? Lots of Good Reasons

Just about every week I see a new patient who complains that he has trouble having orgasms.

Of course, I ask lots of questions. Does this happen only with a partner, or with masturbation too? What medication is he taking? How much alcohol is generally involved before and during sex? How does his partner usually respond? How does he usually respond?

And if he’s been bothered about this for a while, why is he coming in now?

I want to eliminate medical issues first, so I always ask if he’s seen a physician. Since many of these guys are referred to me by a doc, let’s skip over the possible health issues (such as diabetes, auto-immune diseases, and possession by the devil) and…

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No Mabel, You Don’t Have to Compete With Porn Actresses

One of the objections that some women have to their partners watching porn is “I can’t compete with the women in those videos.” The idea that a woman has to compete with the women or activities in porn films is an unfortunate misunderstanding. Now some women feel they have to compete with mainstream celebrities like Scarlett Johansson and Beyoncé (and before that, with Marilyn Monroe and Sharon Stone, and before that, with Cleopatra). That’s a fool’s errand that no one should attempt. These are professional; do not attempt to do their job in your home. If you’re smart enough to…

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(Not-So) Random Thoughts About Sex

Each of these thoughts deserves a post of its own, but after a day of special foods, special company, and hours of Masterpiece Theatre (about Henry VIII), a few words about each feels just right. * Real sex doesn’t feel like porn looks. It’s usually less intense, less gravity-defying, less taboo-breaking, and more about the people trying to connect. Therefore real sex often has a lot of kissing, hugging, and, well, non-“sex” in it. And because it isn’t scripted or edited, real sex often has moments of frustration, awkwardness, disappointment, clumsiness, and misunderstanding. It’s best to laugh together at these…

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