A recent report says that when men & women have sex together, the men are more likely to climax than the women.
It bemoans this as The Orgasm Gap. But that’s the wrong way to measure people’s sexual experience.
For example, we could focus on…
The NY Times just reviewed vibrators as a normal consumer product.
But Facebook rejects ads for sex toys, and some states restrict their sale.
Pleasure is part of sexual health. But
America’s War on Sex continues to demonize anything that makes sex healthier, easier, safer, or more enjoyable.
People have sex for many different reasons. The more obvious reasons are pleasure and closeness (and for a few people, conceiving). The covert reasons (which a person may or may not be aware of) include feeling attractive; feeling powerful; feeling normal; wanting something in return; and getting revenge on a third party.
This is all pretty standard stuff.
But for many people these days, sex seems to be about something else entirely—not so much about sex as an activity, but as an idea. An identity. A statement of self, of tribe, of belonging. Maybe as a focus of civil rights activism.
Michael Castleman is the world’s most popular sex writer.
In his wonderful new book “Sizzling Sex,” Castleman cheerfully guides readers of all ages through the mess that Americans have made out of sex. He has always emphasized scientific evidence with an approach that supports every person’s authentic sexuality.
Whether you’re a virgin, a senior citizen needing reassurance, or a couple who wants to try a few new things, this practical, reassuring book is for you.
Masturbation is one of life’s miracles.
With just a small investment of time and attention, it can provide pleasure (& comfort, autonomy, exploration, & better sleep) on demand.
So what can go wrong?
We imagine others having more pleasure, self-acceptance, and sexiness than we feel. They rarely feel as good as we imagine.
It’s the same with porn: real sex doesn’t feel as good as porn sex looks. It can’t. How shall we handle this?