When infidelity is the subject, a range of therapy approaches can be helpful—there’s no one right way to treat it.
But there are definitely WRONG ways—common approaches used by many therapists that can actually prevent healing, or even make the problem worse.
Here are the WORST common treatment approaches to infidelity.
It’s Mental Health Awareness month.
Each year it focusses on connection, self-care, mindfulness, therapy, self-reflection, and sleep—all good things. Ironically, sponsor Mental Health America recommends using social media to spread the word about the importance of mental health—sort of like encouraging people to drive drunk to AA meetings.
While self-care, community, and other things are vital to emotional stability, let’s also remind ourselves of common ways we undermine our own mental health. There are obvious ways—misusing alcohol, participating in violence, dangerous sex, isolating from loved ones, gambling more than we can afford. Here’s some free advice: don’t do that stuff.
More subtly, there are everyday words and ideas we use that lead us away from mental health. Unfortunately, many of them come from the therapy industry. Let’s look at some.
There’s no one right way to navigate infidelity, whether your own or your partner’s.
But there are some wrong ways. After 44 years as a marriage counselor, I’ve seen thousands of people make the same set of mistakes AFTER infidelity has been revealed.
Here are the most common:
~ Decide…
Let’s look at some words in our sexual vocabulary that we should define, change, or eliminate altogether. Lay people aren’t the only ones to use these unhelpful words. They’re also used by doctors, journalists, and therapists. Together, they add up to a narrative of sex as problematic, even dangerous.
Change or eliminate these words, and you’ll make your sexual communication clearer–and your sex more enjoyable.
Every week, I counsel men and women heartbroken over infidelity.
And every week, I try to prevent those people from making big mistakes. If it’s already too late, I help people deal with the consequences of their big mistakes.
Frequently, nearly everyone in the Betrayed’s life is encouraging them to make big mistakes. That can even include their therapist. It most certainly includes the internet and social media.
Every single week for the last 42 years I have spoken with one or more clients who have cheated or been cheated on.
Survey data regarding cheating keeps changing as social definitions of cheating evolve. And the invention of cars, telephones, and the internet—not to mention mixed-gender schools and workplaces—have multiplied people’s opportunities for a broader range of physical and emotional relationships.
I do believe I’ve heard every possible reason for infidelity, and…