‘sex therapy’

Let’s Talk Vaginas

They each had a Ph.D, had been married for three years, and obviously trusted and loved each other. And neither one knew a vagina from, well, a hole in the ground.

Their parents were pressuring them to have children as soon as possible, but it “just wasn’t happening,” so they figured they’d have to go through artificial fertility treatments.

Su’s gynecologist suggested they see me before they did, “just in case” I could say something helpful.

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What Sex Therapy Can’t Do

Sex therapy, first developed by Masters & Johnson in the early 1960s, can be wonderful—life-changing, cost-effective, marriage- (and therefore family-) saving.

But we can’t do everything that people want or need. Here are some things I’m asked to do periodically, which I just don’t know how to do—and I doubt that my colleagues, can, either.

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Desire for What?

Every January I look back over the previous year’s cases. And while some issues come and go, one thing is consistent year after year: I always see a lot of couples in conflict about each other’s sexual desire.

People are more than “high desire” or “low desire,” but they–and professionals–tend to use these categories, even though they can complicate things.

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No Orgasm? Lots of Good Reasons

Just about every week I see a new patient who complains that he has trouble having orgasms.

Of course, I ask lots of questions. Does this happen only with a partner, or with masturbation too? What medication is he taking? How much alcohol is generally involved before and during sex? How does his partner usually respond? How does he usually respond?

And if he’s been bothered about this for a while, why is he coming in now?

I want to eliminate medical issues first, so I always ask if he’s seen a physician. Since many of these guys are referred to me by a doc, let’s skip over the possible health issues (such as diabetes, auto-immune diseases, and possession by the devil) and…

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