‘sex therapy’

How To NOT Get An Erection

Sex therapy can be complicated. Fortunately, sometimes it isn’t. About three months ago my patient Sam finally started dating again after his wife left him last summer. After a few nondescript experiences, he met Yolanda, they hit it off, and a few weeks later he found himself in bed with her. Two days later he came in for his weekly session. Five minutes before it ended, he mentioned how he couldn’t “y’know” when he wanted to “y’know.” “Oh,” I said. “You didn’t get an erection when you wanted one?” Yes, that was it, poor guy. I knew he wasn’t taking…

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What Sexual Conditions DON’T Need Treatment

June is Men’s Health Month. So let’s talk about what sexual conditions don’t need treatment. * Juan has no interest in sex most of April Wrong diagnosis: “inhibited desire” Juan is an accountant, and so April 15 is the toughest day of the year for him. Actually, April 14 is the toughest day for him, and the two weeks before that are tough, too: he’s flooded with email and phone calls from anxious clients, angry clients, scared clients, and clueless clients. He works 18-hour days in April, and as the 15th draws closer, he knows what’s coming. Every year it…

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Porn Addict or Selfish Bastard? Life Is More Complicated Than That

I’m seeing an epidemic of “porn addiction” in my office. Not of porn addiction, but of “porn addiction.” Here’s how it looks: Wife/girlfriend somehow assumes that husband/boyfriend does not watch porn (guess that’s what she means by “he’s one in a million”). One day, his porn watching comes to her attention (he leaves something on the screen, she searches his website history, he gets an email or bill from some friendly porn site, etc.). She freaks. She decides what his porn watching “means”: * He doesn’t care for her * He’s been faking sexual desire or enjoyment * He’d rather…

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11th Annual Sexual Intelligence Awards

The annual Sexual Intelligence Awards honor individuals and organizations who challenge the sexual fear, unrealistic expectations, and government hypocrisy that undermine love, sex, and relationships—and political freedom—today. Previous winners include Catholics for a Free Choice; Candye Kane, Red Hot Musician; Robert McGinley, Non-monogamy Activist; and National Center for Reason & Justice. This year’s winners are: Melissa Fritchle, International Sex Educator The first miracle was that she was invited to Uganda. The second is that she went. The third is that she made a difference. There’s an obvious danger to being a sex educator in Uganda. This is the country proposing…

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Map of Non-Monogamy Makes It Clearer

The related topics of monogamy, affairs, and infidelity account for a large percentage of every sex therapist’s caseload. One common assumption—of both therapists and media alike—is that people are either behaving monogamously or not, and if they’re not, they’re being “unfaithful,” and the details aren’t especially relevant. That’s terribly disrespectful to sex; when people discuss other kinds of behavior, they gladly use lots of categories. Think, for example, of situations in which a person or couple: • Doesn’t have children; • Doesn’t have a job; • travels abroad; • loses weight; • manages joint finances In all of these situations,…

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IVF, The Nobel Prize, & Sexuality

Robert Edwards has won the 2010 Nobel Prize in Medicine for his development of in vitro fertilization. The procedure takes one or more eggs from a woman, mates them with sperm in a petri dish outside the body, and then inserts the fertilized egg(s) back into a woman—either the donor or a surrogate—for gestation. The procedure has been a boon for couples who wish to conceive together but can’t. Its techniques have also led to scientific advances such as cloning and the creation of human embryonic stem cells. As human achievements go, IVF is pretty impressive, up there with the…

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