‘sex therapy’

Making “Men” and “Women” One-Dimensional

Every week or two some magazine wants to interview me about sex. Twenty years ago, when I was young(er) and hungry, I usually said yes. Now I usually say no. Today I said yes to a well-known national magazine. You see it in every supermarket and airport, with a good-looking busty model on the cover. Let’s call the publication “Young Women Interested in Sex.” (YWIS) The article they called me about is “75 things about men—in 1 sentence each.” The staff writer, a respectful, pleasant woman about 26, hoped I would answer about a dozen questions. By the end of…

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Talking At Lovers

Two weeks ago I spent the weekend in Tacoma, Washington, a guest of Lovers—a large chain of high-end stores selling the latest vibrators and dildoes, whips and handcuffs, DVDs, lube, books, and a million brands of condoms. They do a lot of bachelorette parties there, so they have tons of lingerie on display. Wearing corsets, bustiers, and fishnet hose, the mannequins looked really, really hot. Oops, did I just say that out loud? I only meant to think it. The company is also committed to education. Their stated mission, in fact, is “to provide an exciting environment to explore human…

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Talking About Sex in Austria

I’ve been in Graz, Austria since Friday, teaching a couples seminar on Authenticity. We spent today discussing sexuality. Actually, I did most of the discussing. Talking about sex is not something people in Austria do easily. When they did talk about sex today, it was mostly to discredit talking about sex. “Asking your boyfriend questions about sex takes the fun away,” said one 30-something businesswoman. “Yes,” agreed another, “it takes time. And it makes everything too slow.” “You just get into hassles,” said a tall man from Slovenia in his late twenties. “You say something, she disagrees, and soon you…

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An Epidemic of Sex Addiction?

Before he even sat down, my new patient blurted out why he had come. “My wife says I’m a sex addict, and she demands I get treated immediately,” he said. I’ve been a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist for 30 years. That’s some 30,000 sessions with men, women, and couples—a ringside seat at the human circus. The guy was yet another supposed “sex addict.” I listened to his story carefully, and told him I sympathized with how he had damaged his life and hurt people with bad sexual decisions. “But I don’t treat ‘sex addiction,’” I…

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Our Addiction to Tiger Woods’ “Sex Addiction”

What’s wrong with Tiger Woods? Three words: I. Don’t. Know. For weeks I’ve been flooded with media inquiries, all focused on Tiger’s alleged sex addiction. I’ve become the go-to guy when the media wants a professional with a different point of view on this. And so from Dr. Phil to Nightline, and on radio stations like Live 25 in Oklahoma City, people have been asking me if the guy’s a sex addict. And if he isn’t, what is he? My answer’s always the same: I’ve never met the guy, I don’t know him, I don’t know why he did what…

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Giving Thanks For Sex

While always accurate, Sexual Intelligence is nevertheless often critical, snide, and cranky. In a world full of sexual ignorance, bizarre impulses, and fear-based, wacky public policy, we roll our digital eyes here a lot. This Thanksgiving holiday let’s take a break. Today let’s give thanks for some of what’s wonderful in the world of sex. * Sex toys Sex toys are humanity’s answer to the question “just how long can someone move their hand in the same direction at the same speed without getting bored or injured?” Marshall McLuhan would be proud: just as the telephone is an extension of…

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