‘sex work’

Why Do Men Pay For Handjobs?

Totally by coincidence, two different guys called me for therapy this week with similar issues. One was regularly going to massage parlors for “happy endings,” and the other was paying young men he met on Grindr for quickies.

They each thought their behavior was wrong, and both felt ashamed. The first guy, Pedro, wanted to stop. The second guy, Chang, didn’t really want to stop, but thought he “should.”

Both guys are married. Both guys have high-paying, pressure-filled jobs. Both guys have trouble talking about sex. So they’ve each arranged to have sexual encounters without any talking.

Continue Reading
0 Comments

Candye Kane Obituary: Blues + Sex = Red-Hot Mama

I started publishing Sexual Intelligence monthly in 2000, which included an annual Awards issue. The following year my pal Betty Dodson introduced me to an enormous, vibrant, and very talented blues singer named Candye Kane. I loved her music, she loved my books, and we became friends. I went to many of her Bay Area shows; when I did, she’d invariably introduce me to the crowd as her favorite sex therapist, always as a preamble to one of her many songs about sexuality. In 2005 Candye Kane was honored with a Sexual Intelligence Award. Last week she died of cancer,…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

“Politics? I’m Interested In Sex, Not Politics.”

Interested in sex? Then you’re interested in politics, whether you like it or not. There are literally thousands of laws that regulate our sexual expression–who we can have sex with, what we can do, the products and pharmaceuticals we can use, the ways in which we can control our reproduction, and the ways we can share what we do with others. Who makes these laws? Politicians—from mighty senators to self-righteous state legislators to friendly city council members. A few of these people can be bought. Others want to do good, or to leave a legacy. Almost all of them want…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

Attacking Sex Trafficking by…Attacking Who?

How many people do you think are sex trafficked in the U.S. every year: 200,000? 300,000? If your blood’s boiling about what sounds these days like an epidemic, here’s good news: According to the U.S. Justice Department, the actual number of people trafficked into the country for all reasons (mostly for labor rather than sex) is about 17,500 people year. In a rare show of bureaucratic consensus, the U.S. State Department’s estimate is between 14,000-17,000. “But,” you say, “surely that’s too low? What about the numbers I hear from all these anti-trafficking organizations?” Good question. And here’s the answer: if…

Continue Reading
0 Comments