‘sexual communication’

How Men & Women Cooperate to Undermine Sex

As a sex therapist, I hear a lot about how sex doesn’t work, how complicated it is, and how often it simply isn’t worth the trouble. Of course, I’m sympathetic.

But my job is to notice exactly how people create the sex that frustrates them. It doesn’t take much: disliking your body; not trusting your partner; feeling guilty about what you want or don’t want; anxiety about, well, anything.

Those are the issues I help individuals identify and resolve. After that, people often enjoy sex much more.

Frequently, though, sexual difficulties are maintained by two partners together.

Continue Reading
0 Comments

Seinfeld: Still Hilarious After 25 Years

Twenty-five years ago this week, the TV show Seinfeld went off the air after 180 episodes. It was the rare show that was popular with both audiences and critics; in 2013, the Writers Guild of America voted it the No. 2 Best-Written TV Series of All Time, behind only The Sopranos. The one-line description of the show was the innovative “A Show About Nothing.” But that isn’t accurate. It was actually a show about everything–everything that happens in the daily life of almost everyone. And that was its genius. The primary cast involves four friends, all single and 30ish (and…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

8 Ways to Put Sex Therapists Out of Business

In 39 years as a sex therapist, I’ve worked with individuals and couples from every conceivable background, with every imaginable problem.

And yet this huge variety of people share a small number of recurring concerns. That’s what every sex therapist talks about, over and over, year after year.

If people would do the following eight things, most of our business would dry up overnight. Do one of these and your sexual satisfaction will almost certainly increase.

Continue Reading
0 Comments

“Is that infidelity?” Why that’s the wrong question

As a therapist, I deal with couples in conflict every week. Frequently, two partners want different things: another child versus a vasectomy; saving versus spending; how much sex to have.

Of course, there’s no “right” answer to questions like these—just two people with different values that may or may not be reconcilable. But couples also ask me to arbitrate questions that…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

Has the Internet Really Changed Anything About Sexuality?

Nothing could be more modern than the rise and fall of Ashley Madison: millions of world-wide members linked by a single website, the central promise of cyber-confidentiality, millions of phony profiles generated by algorithm, and the whole thing brought down by hackers—exposing not just the criminal business behavior, but the email addresses and IP information for millions of accounts, both real and fake. This ultra-modern story is also a reminder that the human heart hasn’t changed. I’m not talking about the good old-fashioned greed of unethical businessmen. I’m talking about the customers. People still want to connect. People still find…

Continue Reading
0 Comments