Many couples argue about porn–but the conflict isn’t really about porn. It’s typically about sexual dissatisfaction–how much they do it, whether they both enjoy, whether they feel close during and after.
These are important issues. And eliminating porn from one partner’s life won’t address any of them.
What’s needed instead is…
In a recent national study, more than half the female respondents reported faking an orgasm at least once. A quarter of male respondents said that they had, too.
We know why people fake orgasms…
And we know how most people can orgasm more reliably…
But do remember: If you think orgasm is the best part of sex, you’re missing the best part of sex.
You’re having sex with a new person: Do you feel excited? Anxious? Self-conscious? Lonely?
Are you so busy trying to do it right that you don’t have much bandwidth available for pleasure?
Three factors shape our experience of sex with a new partner: communication; self-consciousness; and the use of alcohol.
Here are seven different ways in which sex with a new partner can be disappointing–and what you can…
World-famous sex educator Ruth Westheimer died this month, aged 96.
To virtually every American now over 50 (and millions of young ‘uns), she was known as Dr. Ruth, the funny little old lady who revolutionized the way sex was discussed in mainstream media. From radio to TV, magazines, and newspapers, she made it OK to talk about sex using plain language to discuss plain things.
Back in the dinosaur days before 1980, the media didn’t talk about sex without smirking and euphemisms. Sex was intercourse, women who couldn’t climax from it were “frigid,” and old people weren’t sexual at all. And most TV sitcom couples still slept in separate beds.
Almost 50 years later, it’s easy to take potshots at Dr. Ruth’s of-her-time limitations. But today’s sexual identity activists should realize that all too soon, the future will judge many of their views as old-fashioned, naive, breathlessly emotional, or just plain wrong.
As a sex therapist, I hear a lot about how sex doesn’t work, how complicated it is, and how often it simply isn’t worth the trouble. Of course, I’m sympathetic.
But my job is to notice exactly how people create the sex that frustrates them. It doesn’t take much: disliking your body; not trusting your partner; feeling guilty about what you want or don’t want; anxiety about, well, anything.
Those are the issues I help individuals identify and resolve. After that, people often enjoy sex much more.
Frequently, though, sexual difficulties are maintained by two partners together.
Twenty-five years ago this week, the TV show Seinfeld went off the air after 180 episodes. It was the rare show that was popular with both audiences and critics; in 2013, the Writers Guild of America voted it the No. 2 Best-Written TV Series of All Time, behind only The Sopranos. The one-line description of the show was the innovative “A Show About Nothing.” But that isn’t accurate. It was actually a show about everything–everything that happens in the daily life of almost everyone. And that was its genius. The primary cast involves four friends, all single and 30ish (and…